Addict.

Now I'm caught up with Tumblr.

madewithvanity

I've got tumblr. Next, formspring.

love nad

Switch.

I'm actually thinking of Tumblr.

Love nad.

Days Gone By - Gavin Mikhail

To my favourite boy, Ash.

I'll always remember your favourite song baby.

"I miss you everytime."

I'll remember our little bits of moments we shared.

Love nad.

How many decades already?

Blog's untouched, been decades.
Life's the usual.
Up and down, what's new right?
Except the fact that I've been whining alot about my studies lately.
Seriously, being in Uni is a bitch, but yea yea, so they say, it's for a brighter future.

Shall not talk much, blogging's like....so old school isn't it?
That aside, yes, I'm still in love with Ashiq :)

That's for reminding me how much I'm into Chinese boys. Oh wells.

Bryan says:
Nutttt. I see you are crazily in love? But why Malay?
since when you like malay guy?
why not chinese guy? HAHA
or have yr taste changed huh?

Nadzirah ZulElias says:
still into chinese boys. BUT..i can't marry a chinese.
but whatever.
can't marry.
you got gf not?
or no one wants you?
HAHAHAHA.

Bryan says:
hahah.
speaking of that.
ive been waiting for u ever since u are with joel and you know that
and now u are with a fucking malay
you cheebye.


Nadzirah ZulElias says:
bryan, dont cheat my feelings.
fuck you.

Bryan says:
awww.
you have no idea how much i miss yr fuck you.

Nadzirah ZulElias says:
FUCK YOU.
i hate you forever and nothing will change tht asshole.

Promises I'll keep.

I promise I'd stay by your side through your ups and downs.
I promise I'd push you because I see your potential in life.
I promise my parents will shut up at the end of the day and say,

"Ashiq is really the one for you."

What's 20?

I'm a 20 year old dealing with real girl problems.

2 at the front.

On the 23rd of August, I turned 20. I had an epiphany.

One, two, three.

If this ain't love, I don't know what love is.

Ashiq.

And so I must say.

Time flies. Here I am, life's the same, no, i'm happier.
I'm still a Ferragamo girl, he's still a policeman.
I'm loving him, he's loving me and that's all that matters now.

Mum, Dad. I can never ask for more.

You made me the happiest girl on earth.

Life is work.

Working everyday. No life? Tell me all about it.

But, baby's such a sweetheart. That pretty make my days beautiful.

You were worth the truth, the only reason why I didn't lie.

I'm 20. Not 25. I'm your girlfriend. Not your wife. My parents don't control who I'm out with. So, ask yourself now. Who are you to me?

The truth and be faithful. To lie and be unfaithful. You choose.

MY WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU.

Get that in your head.

I love you. And I don't see any point in lying.

Says the boyfriend.

"Baby, you work too much. Not that I don't like it, but you get really cranky when you're tired. The victim is me. And your friends, do you realise you're drifting apart from them?"

Well okay baby, if you say so.

Just you.

My dictionary is you.

Honey, I love you. I really do. My friends love you too. That's what I like about you.

I love you A.

Baby, how far can your patience go? Because everything I do, even if it makes you unhappy, you'd just smile and say, I still love you.

The only thing Ferragamo associates want to hear.

"Dear customers, thank you for shopping at Takashimaya. We're closing in 15 minutes time."

And then we all go........

YESSSSSAAAAAAAA!!!

7 straight days of full shift. Every day..ending at 2am. 4 more days to go. And I'm half dead.

My cup of tea.

I realised I have fetish for boys with family problems or brought up by a single parent. I hope it's not weird.
They just have something in them.
That one thing that makes them special; MATURITY.

You're not just my boyfriend.

When I'm down, you bring me into your world and make a difference.

I don't wanna do this.

Graduation ceremony's tomorrow. No, I'm not looking forward to it, because J and I, we're no longer together. And that wasn't what we planned 2 years ago. We were supposed to graduate together, still a couple.

Spells A.

Tick tock, tick tock. I am so in love with you.

Sure you do hun.

"Baby, we'll do this together okay? Stop smoking."

Talk about my feelings.

I feel the HAPPIEST at work.
I feel the SADDEST at home.

So that's how it is.

Mr Policeman and Ms Ferragamo.

Because...Home is hell. I wish I am joking, but I'm not.

I hate home.
I hate family.
If I only think of myself, I'd not be home.

The difference between your boyfriend and mine.

Your boyfriend makes you a heart with lighted candles.
My boyfriend makes me a heart with lighted ciggarettes.

Boyfriend? I haven't said yes yet.

In honesty.

Botanic Garden with Ballboy. A definite awesome.

Sat a day.

Because Saturday was awesome. I miss Ballboy. A lot. Monday, hurry.

Ballboy.

Come Monday, Botanic Gardens with you.

Home is hell.

If given a choice, I wouldn't want to go home. Home is where my heart break into pieces. Where there's heat in every corner of the house. I don't know who to hate now but for all I know, I'm purely disgusted.

I wish I'm heartless enough to be selfish to this thing call 'family'. I have my little sister to think of. If I'm the only child, things would be a lot easier on my part.
Pack up and leave.

Last request. I like seeing people get reunited.

Screw this.

Divorce letters? Totally not what I want to see.

Throughout this bumpy road I've been facing, all I wanna say is,
I really really love

AKID NADIY,

MUHAMMAD ASH

AND

CHANTELLE CK.

2 at once.

At 5.30, Ash was already outside waiting for my release. Near 6, my guy friend gave me a surprise and he wanted to bring me out for dinner. I think I forgot to mention I hate surprise visits because, for one simple reason, it'll backfire the other boy. Why would anyone think I'd choose to go out with the other boy and leave Ash? It was sweet though, on your part. Thank you.

When you talk about quality shoes, talk Ferragamo.

I was planning to get a proper pair of working shoes since Great Singapore Sale is around the corner and I've been warned by my colleauges about how deadly life can get without a proper pair of shoes during the GSS period.

A black leather shoe with beautiful heels caught my attention and it was super costly for working shoes (according to Mum) . Just a little bit costly on my part because, really, seeing $790 shoes every day make you realise a $99 shoe is nothing.

I'm the happiest girl alive. As of right now.

Life is kind. Thank you Nadiy and Ash. I love you both, my amazing friends.

Done with dramas.

I'm done pleasing boys at the same time. Trying to find excuses to one to please the other. My emotions are so drained right now. Let me make myself clear, I'm only in love with one. As for you, you're my history, my ex. So, quit raking up the past. Having the best of both worlds is pretty exhausting. I surrender. I'll keep Ash but I'll let go of you H.

My list of farks.FARKING ANNOYING PEOPLE.

Just today itself, I've got calls and messages from whom I call, friends whom I've not been contacting for ages. Reasons they call that absolutely spoilt my farking day.

And they have their ways on starting a conversation, like.. "Hi babe, how have you been doing? I hope you're good."

And those farking reasons when I said, "What is it? Go straight to the point."

1) Do you have cash to spare? I'm in need of cash now. (you're a farking boy mind you.)

2) Heard you're single now, are you fine? Just so you know, I'm here for you. (seriously, what the fark.)

3) I'm running a business and I'm looking for a partner. And I think you're the right one. (fark off. And you can't farking tell me the benefits of joining the business.)

4) I miss you so much. *Awkward silence* Ummm..can you do me a favour? (yeah, sure. Like hanging up on you? My pleasure.)

5) Eh, did I just saw you at Ferragamo? You're working there?! Hmm. Not bad. Can get discount? (fark off luh.)

KNNLJCB.

And lastly, FACEBOOK'S ACTING LIKE A FARKING BITCH NOW. That kinda sums up my day. FARK.

I say, Boys come and go.

"No baby, I'm different. I stay, they leave." -Ash.

Oh honey, that's what they say.

That one sweet in my heart.

I love you brother and not a single soul can change that fact.

xoxo, your sister.

At times, I'm a loser.

I just texted the ex-bf. What the fuck was I thinking?

Old boys leave, new boys come. I don't want a relationship, but just assume I'm attached. Because, for now, I like only one. Don't make me change my heart.

p.s. Finally a day with A.N. tomorrow.

It'd be nice if I don't have work on every of my Saturdays.

"Baby, I don't want to promise you any single thing. All you gotta do, is just have faith in my future." - Ash.

The fact that you never put me in the picture just yet, I'm just liking the way it is.

It'd be nice if I don't have work on every of my Saturdays.

'Brunch' on my bed. Toasted bread with hot milo. A nice start to my Saturday. Counting the hours to meeting .................

Spell awesome. :) :) NTU.

Dear Miss Nadzirah

I refer to your application. I am pleased to inform you that you have been shortlisted for an interview.

p.s. I seriously don't know which university to go to. Am confused :(

I look into your eyes, I want to get to know you.

Oh, he treats me with respect, he says he loves me all the time.
He calls me fifteen times a day, he likes to make sure that I'm fine.
You know I've never met a man who's made me feel quite so secure.
He's not like all them other boys, they're all so dumb and immature.

-Lilly Allen

Wow.

Tonight was great, wasn’t it? It brought me back to 2009, when I first fell for that smile. Haha. Thanks to facebook.

Not yet. Not soon.

"I think you shouldn't delay any further. Just get attached already. You guys are perfect."

Econs.

On demand with little supply. - My favourite boy.

It felt so real.

My Saturday was kinda amazing. In a different way from how things are naturally amazing with Ash, or with any of my closer than close friends. Because tonight I didn’t expect to have as much fun as I did. The feeling of working for 10 days straight and finally an off day and on a Saturday at that, it was outrageously awesome.

On a side note, I love work. For real. Those colleagues made my days in Ferragamo.

p.s. Boys who smoke, they are the sex.

I'm not good at tolerating.

Seriously, I can't imagine being your girlfriend. You're one control freak.

Today, I made my family proud.

Dear Ms Nadzirah Mohd Zulkiflee,

We are pleased to inform you that we are happy to offer you an unconditional offer of a place to enter Year 3 in BA(Hons) in Retail Marketing in September 2010.

And how I crave for that thing.

I haven't had my own pack since forever. I didn't go for smoke breaks during work though my colleagues kept urging me to tag along. It's been so long and I'm seriously craving for a fag. Just one and I'll be fine. Now even my favourite boy don't smoke around me anymore. Tsk.

I have a confession. I'm really in love. In love with my job. My feet is dying on me, but really with the awesome people, that kinda complete my days.

You gotta play politics.

The bitch at my work place is no longer a bitch. All in all, working in Ferragamo, is awesome.

Double awesome.

Guaranteed, workaholic. 10 days straight. Beat me. Because they say, in a boutique, you're paid to waste time.

Peace maker.

I don't have issues with your ex. So, don't have issues with mine.

I thank you.

Loving you. Ballboy.

My other half.

And of course, the years we've been counting, I treasure. I really love you. Bestfriends are not in my dictionary now but you are, definitely, someone I'd never stop loving. I wouldn't want to sound cheesy but really, I'd never want to lose you. I love you Amalina.

To the other half, or whoever you are, good luck in life.

Oh what the bleagh.

She's human after all.

Unholy confessions.

Because friends come and go. So why bother having bestfriends? Friendships are more awesome without titles.

Slow down a little bit yea?

"Nad, if we get together, I don't want to control you. I don't mind you going out with boys. You know I won't get jealous but I need to know that you're going to be safe with whoever you're out with. I trust you but not the boys."

Still, do you think we should risk our 7 years of friendship? I am scared. Period.

I'm not over you, but at least I'm moving on.

"It’s hard to get over people, and I mean really get over them. You can start having feelings for some other person, but it doesn’t mean you’re over them. It just means you’re moving on."-Nia

I'm not over you J, but at least I'm moving on.

Is make up magic?

Boss : You are required to put on make up in Ferragamo.

Me : Ohhh. Right.

Seriously, I feel miserable. I bet my complexion will get worse now that I have to put on make up every day. Fark.

Don't you ever go away. With or without a relationship.

Sweet love, for you, I'm breaking hearts.
Tell me if this is worth it.
Risking our 7 years of friendship.
Then again, no relationship just yet.
I'm still not over J.
Anyone has a delete memory power, kindly give it to me so I can fucking move on a.s.a.p.

I'm a little bit over you, J Ng.

I'm doing good at moving on now that I forgot to stalk you on facebook for 3 days.

I miss you always. Even when we don't talk. I miss you all the time. Every day, I think of you even when I'm out with my other halves. I miss you now. I miss you always. But how could you know that?

I'm over you. Just a little bit. I need to try harder.

A, slow down a little bit please. I want to be single.

I don't think I want to play anymore.
I don't want a relationship now.
I don't want you to be my other mistake.
Coz J, is enough for a mistake.

When I fall, I won't be afraid.

Gone through thick and thin. This girl I'll treasure and keep.
Chantelle, I love you so much.



These 2 boys are my every reason why I'm working hard.
Our friendship, I'll never let go.

When I fall, I'll stand up and tell them, I'm okay.

Thoughts for my Sunday.

Boss asked me out. Anddd, not done yet. He's married.

p.s. Nadiy, I know you're laughing your ass off. Get that big daddy? ;) HAHAHA. I'm not gonna take your advice on going out with him.

LOVE YOU NADIY!

Thoughts for my Sunday.

Seriously, boys who ask a girl out for a date, then say they have no money, and have the girl pay for lunch, is amazingly a major turn off. Just what are they thinking? Girls just laugh it off, putting a fake smile and prolly, make them feel a little bit better, by saying, "Nah, I'll pay for lunch." Simply means, this boy's a loser.

Thoughts for my Sunday.

Conferment letter on my Diploma.

On my graduation day, I want Atok and Nenek to watch me on stage receiving my diploma instead of my parents. And I want Joel to be present instead of other boys. Because, the boy that made a difference to my journey in poly, is Joel; my favourite boy.

When they go, "My love for you will never fade." F off luh.

The dating game is never fun when boys think they have your heart. Deep inside, you know the key to your heart is with someone else.

When everyone thinks I'm over J. I'm moving on. For real.

I am still crying over J. 4th time I broke down whenever friends mentioned his name. Embarrassing. If only there's a delete button in the human memory. Life would be awesome. Oh what the heck.


And of course, Awesome, thank you for today. My Fridays with you have always been lovely. "We don't have to be in a relationship to love each other."

Tell me if my English isn't simple enough."We can only be friends." Seriously, boys should stop pushing their luck. I am freaking tired.

*click on the picture to enlarge (strictly for dumb people)

I'm a freaking lesbian. Boys, fuck off.

p.s. I am kidding. Lesbianity. Not me.

Joel Ng.

I want to be like you. Someone who has vision in life.

Breaks me inside.

Breaks me inside.

Wow, seriously, at the rate you're adding girls on facebook, I gotta stop stalking you.

Don't think too much. I never like you.

1) You are possessive.
2) You get jealous when I talk about J.
3) You get upset when I go out with boys.
4) You are a control freak.
5) Most importantly, you don't like my friends.

Fuck off luh.

Mum, my Monday's blue because of you.

"Be home by 8. I gotta ask you something." - Mum

I knew it was about the bikini and the cigarettes in my bag that was left unzip. My bad.

And so I have John.

John, you're chinese. Don't you get it? Then why the fuck I broke up with J. Just that reason.

Fark Sunday.

Everyone's being a dork right now.

Home Saturday.

"I realized your behaviour changed ever since you broke up with Joel. You're becoming wilder."-Mum.

Seriously Mum, it's not about J or not. It's all about how you look at me. Period.

Home Saturday.

Friday was amazing. I am still exhausted, am feeling under the weather in fact, from yesterday's cycling in the rain. It was fun with you and what more could I possibly ask for. I wasn't too keen about going out today because my tailbone hurts, I wish I know the reason why and my head still throbbed dully. But seriously, thank you for yesterday.

You were fantastic. It was fantastic. The plan was lame, but the hours we spent our Friday was beautiful. I cherished every single second. Your confession. It touched me. That’s how much I’d treasure yesterday, even though it wasn’t even a week since the last time I saw my absolute favourite smile.

Home Saturday.

"GIRLS THAT SMOKE, NOT ATTRACTIVE."

Yeah, I'll work on that.

Time after time and things stay the same.

I tell everyone that we're through. It brought me to tears. This Sunday. Am contemplating. You don't feel me and I can't believe I still want you.

Let's slow down a little bit yea?

He's working his ass off for my future. He claims. His mum knows about me.
This is serious.
Slow down a little bit.
I'll appreciate that.
Give me time. At least.

How sad.

How sad J...

"I miss you a bit."

p.s. It's time I really move on.

FML moments.

I'm not at my best state right now. At times like this, when I need my two girls the most, just wish, they'd give me a call.

"Do I even have best friends? Or are they just a title to complete my life?"

And I seeked the term 'best friend' in dictionary.com if you're slow enough,

"A best friend will back you 100%. They will be honest with you and support you whenever you need help."

So, to the question, no, I don't have bestfriends, anyway.

I have a problem with the truth.

I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know that I'm not that strong.

Will you even think of leaving me? Can you smell my fear?

"You're my best girlfriend", says J.

Our time has finally come but we didn't forbid goodbye. For this ending is our new beginning. As friends.

Joel Ng, you're my one and only Teddy. Still stays the same no matter what. And I hope Claudia Nadz Ng stays in you. I'll always love you. Thank you for everything.

p.s. J, I know you're reading this.

Chasing dreams.

When I was a little girl, I dreamt to be a teacher.
I've achieved that dream.
Now that I am 19, I dream to be a marketing director.
And after 5 years in the business industry, I want to go back to teaching.
But this time, I want to be a business lecturer in Nanyang Polytechnic.
Do you think I can?

Work has never been boring

"Teacher, we sing you malay song. Your boyfriend cannot sing malay song for you."

Things don't always happen the way we want. But fuck it. Face it already.

For some reason, I'm jealous of girls with malay boyfriend.

If only J's malay, everything would be perfect.

Now as it seems, I feel we're hanging.

Period.

Spells Nadiy.

Nights that I'd always look forward to, that makes me really, really, really glad I know someone just like you.

I love you brother.

p.s. Me and you. We're kinda screwed. Tried hard. And now, I'm tired.

Love Friday.

Thank you so much Awesome.

I love Fort Canning with you.

Mum, Dad. Stop it.

Mum and Dad were prolly thinking sis and I were sleeping soundly at the back of the car. I wasn't. I was listening secretly to Dad's lame jokes and having Mum, giggling sheepishly at his '0h-so-funny' jokes.

p.s. If this is what we call love, god, save me.

How long more J?

Why are we hanging?

If you're a man that you are, figure this one out.

You need to try and save me.

It's okay that we're dying but I still need to survive.

"Babe, this is how I feel about us." - says he.

In honesty.

I had a jerk for lunch. For real. I wish I am lying. The meal I had was called, 'Jerk Bbq Chicken'.
p.s. No sarcasm intended. (though I don't really know what p.s. is)

Over dinner.

Me : Mama, when I grow up, I want to be pretty like her.

Mum : Aren't you grown up already?

Me : Oh..yah.

I know something that you don't know.

The earth is having a high fever.

Backfire? Awwwwwwwww.

Dear Loser, (in a lack of a better word)

Just a piece of advice for someone like you. CAN'T TAKE JOKES, DON'T MESS WITH US. You're not cool. In fact, far from it. Learn the ropes if you want to be one of us. At least. Coz for all you know, you're our joke.

Yours sincerely,
Nadz.

p.s. xoxo.

I'm happy the way we are.

Thank you for making today awesome; for the soccer player.

Fuck you very much.

Ryan's not worth it. She totally deserves better.

J. Ng, make time stop.

2 months to 2. I really really love you. But, does it matter now? We have to leave.

I still want to be an Ng.

I spell exams.

2 down. Catching up with 1.

Fact or fiction?

In jealousy, we don't realise who we are.

Down.

You hate me do you? You left, on a wrong note. And you left me hanging. Blue ranger. It never dies. Tell me you don't hate me and I'll be fine.

He said.

I want to be with you, but not now. Let me achieve my dreams. So I can give you everything you want.

And I said, what big dreams you have.

I feel so wasted.

I didn't study. Reminder. Exam on Monday. Slap me in the face. And oh yea, I look like a minah now. Thanks to her.

A is for you.

I like you a lot.

What vocabulary.

Everyone is busy studying and I have not touched a bit. I am kinda screwed but really, my kanchiong level is still on the low. I'd consider studying tonight, but what the hell. I don't know. Exam's next monday. Tell me how many days again for me to chiong? And squeeze in 3 modules in my study plan. Awesome shit. I can't wait to fucking end.

I missed Valentine with J, but others carved my smile.

"Miss Nadzirah, last year you say you cannot be my valentine because we are still in primary school. Now I am in secondary school. Will you be my valentine teacher?"

Such sweetheart.

I love you J.

2 days with my mat. It was awesome.

Spell unfaithful.

Face it.

When they say, "Baby, I'm going clubbing. I won't grind, I'm just going to drink with my boys."
Girls, if you believe, you're fucking dumb.

And when they go, "I'm gonna meet the boys." And if it's every night, come on. Fuck it. Don't his guy friends have a life too? Why would they want to meet him every single night?! There you go, he's lying.

Somehow, you get lucky and managed to grab his phone. You peeped at his inbox messages to see if there's any girls name on the list. Phew. You can't find any. Most are boys, and even if there are girls' name, they're your girl friends. So, there you go, again. Happy this time thinking, oh well. He's got no scandal. But you know, IN YOUR FACE. Fuck, don't be dumb please. For all you know, those guy names on the list, they're fucking girls! Like, Alisa. Named Adam on his list. Come on. What the fuck, seriously.

I hope J's not like this. Really. Well, that's every girl's hope. Who would want an unfaithful boyfriend. Then again, girls, face it. You either know it or you don't. And don't bother checking with his guy friends. Coz friends help each other. Or in boys' term. Brothers don't kill each other. Sooo, there are 2 ways to overcome this. 1) Fucking leave him. 2) Play the game baby and make sure you win.

I've had enough conversations with my guy friends and this is exactly how they think. For some reason, paranoia struck me. Like I said, 2 choices. I can choose to be dumb or good at this game.

Pride and Immaturity.

When friends become enemies. When smiles become fake. When class becomes hell.
I can't fucking wait to graduate.

Grandpa, you're such a sweetheart but..I want to grow up.

At lunch, Atok asked about my plans after poly. I told him my working plans and I got scolded :(

He forbids me from working after graduation. He went like,

"Why do you want to work? You want car, take mine. If don't want mine, I'll buy you a second hand car. You want extra money, I give you. Pursue a degree and I'll give you anything you ask for. So what if you're turning 20. You're still a baby."

Atok, so easy for you to say. I don't need your money. I don't need a car. All I want is you to let me go. Let me learn how to be independent. You always hold me back.

I had green ranger for today, but I wanted a blue one.

I went out with a pilot today, and he's awesome :)

Depression mode activated.

"Need I remind you again I've undergone 4 treatments and my face. It's not getting any better. Mind you, your place is well-established. How now? "

Mother fucking bitch. I'm fucking 19 and I still have breakouts. And your fucking treatments are not working. And my parents paid $1000 ++ for it. Tell me life's not a bitch.

Bitchy elements.

At 3.45am this morning, I received a text from a girlfriend "Girls, I've given birth."
Not even half awake, I think I said, "Yay. You're a 19 year old mum!" What a bitch right. Omfg.

TGIF tomorrow.

It's Friday tomorrow. Don't fail on me. Please. My only day with J.

Shudders.

I know you love me. You told me a million times. I love you more. That's the problem.

Fashion Disaster.

Today, I survived with a purple dress and brown shoes.

Not broken. Just numb.

"You said you change. But there's nothing. You're still the same. I'm just your part time lover."

Since gym's your full time lover, you're out of my spotlight.

On the side note, wth. It's february already! And I'm still not used to seeing 2010 whenever I write my date.

Get your own coffee.

Hey D, you're such a fucking bitch. Make sure you don't talk to me at all.

Mi-se-ra-ble; adj.

I felt so down today. I did a lot of uneccessary thinking; which in turn doesn't help a bit. I just need fags. Really.

Lead me to Fairytale Land. J, not you. You can't.

Nadz™ says:
*baby, i ask you. if im chinese, would you take this relationship to a higher level?

Joel™ says:
* Yes baby. I'm sorry to say that.

Nadz™ says:
*it's ok sayang. i know.
*=(

J,you know, you just broke my heart.

Decide on a date baby.
We'll part. I'm quite done now.

And you said, "I really love you ok?"

To be honest, this time, you stabbed me in the heart.

First time.

J and I had a tiff today. For the 1st. Really. Screwed much.

That guy who sat on the bench.

Today, for the first time in my 19 years of living, I found myself standing at a corner admiring a guy. I check boys out all the time, but those left me no impact. But that boy today, amazing. One thing that still makes me ponder, he's not my type or so you call it 'not my cup of tea'. But, there's something that caught my attention. In which, I'm still wondering.

What ifs.

Tuesday was nice. Those thoughts, our conversations. Thank you awesome.

Man Utd's pretty cute. You.

Today, J was Man U boy.

Counting down the days to our 2 years. Happy Monthsary Love.

It is not every month that we celebrate our monthsary-s. So, today, is one special monthsary.

I love you J.

A point of time you know, not everything goes your way.

The fact that you endured so much of my abuse, meant absolutely everything to me. I’d never forget the times I felt inferior, only to have you wrap your arms around me, brush my hair, and told me not to cry. Which I didn’t, because you were there. I had nothing to fear. I’d hate to sound stupid and cheesy, but baby, you make my best boyfriend.

Every time our eyes met, it brought back tons of delightful memories. Made new ones as well. I want to keep falling in love with you. I have no other addiction but you.

I'm counting the days we have left, for we know that we have to part. These remaining days, I'll treasure and I promise, I'd bring the best out of it and when we go our separate ways, I want to hear you say, "Nadz, you're my best."

J's 21.

My dictionary.

par-tia-lly scr-ew-ed; adj

"A girl was hanging out with her ex-bf at his workplace without realising her bf's bestfriend is working there. In other words, her bf's bestfriend is her ex-bf's colleague. Her bf's bestfriend thought there's something going on between the girl and her ex-bf without clarifying and told the girl's bf. Thank god. The girl's bf is not an ass and not made a big hu-ha out of it. Sooo, the girl's not all screwed up, but partially screwed."

You are such a mofo.

Omg. I smell B-I-T-C-H. Anyway, can't wait for Monday with the best. Best, please make me love IB. PLEASE.

I'm no where near my cousins.

My aunt called me earlier today from Belgium to tell me they're coming home in April. They got hold of my facebook, browsed through my pictures and tell me how beautiful I've grown since the last time they saw me, and trust me, that's over 10 years. That's really sweet but really, I'm not near beautiful. Here goes my low self esteem syndrome.

I'm overly excited coz I miss these girls. I swear they've grown super pretty since I last saw them. Envy. My cousins. Sharifah Olivia Cleirbaut and Farah Salina Cleirbaut. I'm not being mind fucked but I'm definitely jealous of them. I tried searching for my boy cousin, Michael Angelo Cleirbaut over in facebook, but I can't seem to get hold of him. And I swear he looks amazingly charming from the picture my aunt sent me months ago (I've lost it, sadly). Tsk. These malay mixed ang moh. How I wish I'm a Cleirbaut.

April, come faster.

Love stories are never nice to hear.

Lunch. Gf. And a guy. New updates. Love life. Unwanted truth. Truth hurts. More complications. Myself and I. Being the middle person.

While others are having problems with love, my favourite boy and I are enjoying life.
Only J.

How heart to heart talk can change a friendship.

The clique had a heart to heart talk. I wish we didn't. Coz only today, that I found out my 'I thought to be my super close guy friend' talked bad about me after 2 years he made that particular remark.

Cheryl : Eh Nad, you know that Anil (Fuck, I don't care revealing his name.) said something bad about you when you first got together with Joel. He said something like, "I'm so disappointed with Nad. She can do a lot better. Why Joel? Of all boys. If Joel can get her, it'd be damn easy for me to get her. I'm sure I'm a lot better than Joel. I can treat Nad better than him."

Me : Fuck him. Really? He did say that?!

Sheila : Yeah. We just didn't wanna tell you coz you guys were damn close.

Pffft. Anil, you're so full of yourself. And guys like you, such a turn off. You want to play the comparison game. You're not even near.

I love you. I really do.

Baby, I'm gonna make your 21st a blast!

Everything's so complicated.

"We don't have to be together to love each other baby."



Grandma's birthday dinner today. Awesome.

Oh mermaid!

Fishing with the Clarke Quay boys and their girlfriends.
And, we caught a mermaid :)
We just assumed.

And I crave for J.

How now?

"Hey Nad, I wanted to tell you this just now but I don't have the chance to. I'm very happy to see you. Whenever I'm with you, I forgot about her. Only you can help me forget her. Thank you :) I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have rushed, I should have waited for someone better. And it's you. Thanks for making me happy Nad."

Hey you, let's not risk our friendship.

What J can do to me.

I'm a happy girl coz J's beside me now!! :)

I love you, J.

Speechless.

He walked towards me smiling. I smiled. He held up his wrist. And there, my name tattooed on his naked skin.

No. I just think you're screwed.

You fucked. That's sad. And you fucked an irresponsible guy. That's even more sad.
Shit happens. But what the hell is wrong with you?

Here's a question.

How would you react and what would you do when two boys who are really nice likes you?
Wait. I'm not done.
And they're bestfriends.


I've been thinking. I'm just gonna go missing. Ya. I think I should.

One by one.

I'm counting down the days. And they say, we will last.

2010 shits, and it's only the beginning.

Everyone looked forward to NYE, and to be honest, I would’ve thought I’d be excited as well, but I wasn't, for some reason. It’s like you’ve been looking forward to something all year, and then when it’s finally here, and you realise it isn’t even a big deal; nothing you haven’t seen before.

But I shan't brag much because I have 2 lovely boys to spend my New Year with me. Those fireworks, the smelly people squeezing their way through, all those, near worth it. Though I wished so much I was on the other side of the island partying with J and friends throughout the night. That'd be more ideal.

Spending the weekend with the most awesome, J. The only thing worth looking forward to this week.