A sudden, lengthy post.

The week has been pretty short because I was called a lot for relief. Just this week alone, I've earned a good amount of near $300. That definitely took a whole lot of burden off my chest because I've been really stressed up about the whole party planning. Speaking of which, Chantelle and I are in the midst of putting the pieces together and we really really hope our 21st would be a blast.

Party matters aside, I had a meet up with Cindy and Oli recently. We had a good time catching up at Clarke Quay but I realized we have a few differences now that we've drifted apart. It upsets me a little because we do not share similar wavelengths like how we used to. Back then in poly, we'd meet every single day and talk about the littlest randomest of things. Now that Cindy's a full grown working adult and Oli, giving his all in serving the nation (he does not mind staying in camp even during the weekends), we do not have anything common to talk about. It is true when they say, people grow up, change and have different principles and values of life.

Here's me and Cindy. I do not have a decent picture of Oli and myself. Besides, I loathe how the lighting emphasizes on my nose. I have an unexplainable disliking towards my nose. Sigh. I have a friend who had a nose surgery and I'm amazed at the wonders of the outcome. I really do not mind going under the knives but, I do not recall being a stringent Muslim the past years and I definitely do not want to add on my list of sins. First step to that, I got to love myself. Sounds easy but I find it really hard.

We had a scrumptious dinner. I should have ordered more since the gentleman offered us a treat. :p

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Ashiq and I constantly missed and longed for each other on weekdays. Being away from him gives me time to have a reflection of myself. I've always loved the short breaks in between classes, where I'd find myself in the office, scribbling a mindmap of my life on little pieces of paper I could find.

So, I have points 1, 2 and 3 settled. I've got a year left in Uni and I'd definitely give my all to get my Honors. I managed to get a scholarship from the Singapore Retailers Association (a tough fight because only 9 out of 30 got chosen) and since then, my future does not seem so bleak. I've attained a management position with my sponspored company and their offer does not disappoint me after a few negotiations. Once I sign the contract next Tuesday, I'd be a management trainee upon graduation. The thought of entering the real world really excites me but I'm pretty sure there are a lot of sacrifices to be made, especially in my relationship with my boyfriend. We've talked things out and of course, being an understanding boyfriend as he is, he is supporting me in achieving my goal.

Point 4 is a little bit 50:50 because I'm fully aware, taking Masters is no joke. Commitment and money. Without them all, stop talking. Marriage wise, I don't know. I'm not at all excited about that just yet. In fact, my boyfriend and I realized we have a lot, like literally A LOT in life that we have yet to explore and experience. So, the word 'marriage' is definitely striked as of now.

Mum on the other hand, think otherwise. She claimed Ashiq and I have been spending almost 3/4 of our lives together and thus, marriage would definitely come in four or five years to come. Sigh. The thought of that disgusts me as much as I do not want to get married early. I really hope that wouldn't happen because, really, I DO NOT WANT TO MARRY JUST YET. Like any sane girl, I'd want to be successful in my career and travel the world before settling down. Besides, once I graduate, I'll be so caught up in climbing the career ladder while my boyfriend will be so preoccupied with his studies, work and friends that we'll find very little time for ourselves. There, you see. Our future is all pre-planned but yet again, it all lies in the hands of God.

I am aware that love is not 100% concrete. But with Ashiq, I do not mind taking the risk. I love you baby.

love nad

Sweet lullaby

It is funny how two years have passed. I'm still having the butterflies everytime I look into your eyes. The only reason why you are special.

I love you baby :)

love nad

Toast to love.

Just on Thursday, I had a date with Sya. I've made a deal with myself that I will never ever neglect my friends. Guessed I'm still good at keeping the deal because I've been having weekly dates with all my friends since the semester holiday started. Though I must admit, I'd rather rot myself at home since the weather has been extremely devastating lately. The weather is the only reason I always find myself dreading the dates I've fixed with friends. That happens all the time but I'll end up heading home with a wide smile on my face because my dates have always been a blast, no matter who I hang out with.

For the second time in the week, I had ayam penyet for dinner. It didn't really matter because ayam penyet is by far, still my favourite. We had plenty to talk about and decided to settle down at Ben and Jerry. I had my cookies and cream flavoured ice cream and I could never be less satisfied. Of course, we had our usual spark of issues. Girl talks always get to me, those boyfriend issues, our future and a lot of others that I'm lazy to disclose. So that was it for Thursday. :)

I've been depressed lately and I was really looking forward to Saturday. My boyfriend has always been the cure to my depression and I'm really really blessed for his presence. He specifically planned a movie marathon (Harry Potter and Transformers) for our Saturday and being an annoying girlfriend as I usually am, I did not do him any justice. Sigh. I wasn't in the best of mood, really, and I just had to spoil the day just because I did not get to watch Harry Potter in imax. I was really upset because I promised my little sister we would catch Harry Potter in imax. I feel so sorry for her. I looked pretty fine in the picture because the least I could do, is to pose for a decent picture right? Sigh, I feel so bad for my boyfriend. Promise you next Saturday will be your day baby. I'll make it up to you. Your wish is my command.

I did not know what got into me yesterday. Have you ever feel like you're angry, like something is bothering you but you have no idea what it is exactly? I felt just that yesterday and sadly, I let my emotions took over me. Thank god my little sister tagged along because without her, my unstable emotions would definitely trigger a fight between me and my boyfriend. She is like the mediator between us and I really admire her for her sense of neutralism at such a raw age.

Bob came later in the evening to join us for dinner. We finally settled down at Coffee Bean for dinner and I was glad my bestfriend was working considering she'd always be on off during my last visits.

And....Harry Potter it was to end the night with. We did not managed to get seats in imax but I guessed watching it in 3D was already good enough. I forced myself to leave my expectations at the door and it was mildly satisfying. The movie ended near midnight and I was so glad Dad offered to fetch us because I really do not want to waste money on the rapidly increasing cab fare.

The last for all, I'm so thankful to have these people in my life. Despite my unexpected mood swings, they still stood by me. To you baby, I am sorry. I love you. Look forward to next weekend. I'll make it a blast.

love nad

If you ever ask me, I'd have replied I actually lost the meaning of 'happiness'. I forgot how to feel happy.

love nad

:)

It's only the second day of the week and I'm trying hard not to whine about how dull today was. The only highlight for the week as of now was Monday. I had a date with my girlfriend, Chantelle. She's leaving for Scotland come August and I wish time flies a lot slower. Considering we're inseperable in school throughout the four years we've been together, I'm really having a hard time letting her leave for Scotland. Honestly speaking, I'd very much love to continue my studies in Scotland, together with her but I have so many people that I can't live without back here in Singapore. Besides, the thought of ditching my studies while I'm there really haunts me. I wouldn't dare risk myself but I must admit, I'd feel a part of me missing because my girlfriend isn't with me the next semester. We're a pair and our schoolmates know that best.

We settled down at Starbucks just because we thought it is the most decent place to chill. We raved about the politics our clique of seven is currently facing. I wouldn't want to disclose it because the thought of it is already enough to make me puke. Girls and politics are best friends I must say, but getting so upset or extremely mad at unworthy people are just a waste of time.

Our birthdays are coming and we've planned for a combined birthday party. We got all hyped up on the planning and went to the extent of borrowing a pen from a stranger. We penned down our thoughts on a piece of serviette (credit to Starbucks). It was pretty embarrassing. That aside, I know it's best to have an individual party since it's a special 21st but I don't mind a bit to have it with Chantelle. We often question ourselves our titles in our friendship and despite the numerous titles, we'd go back to square one. We're not bestfriends, not close friends but just friends who care deeply for each other. I have an apprehensive uneasiness on the idea of friends forever or friends with titles and we often stumbled when people ask if we're bestfriends. Whatever the title is, I'm thankful for the friendship we have built these years.

Girlfriend aside, the ex-boyfriend whom my boyfriend loathe so much called recently. I'm terribly bothered by it because it does nothing but havoc to my relationship with my Ashiq. It's been five years now, but things haven't change a bit. His doings still haunt me. Five years and I'm still not over the pain. I am not and will not get over it. I hate sharing about him but this is a crucial part of how I came to be the person I was when I met Ashiq. Reliving this memory scares me because I'm aware love never lasts forever. Whatever it is, I'm willing to go through this journey with Ashiq.

I love you :)

love nad

My week has been really mundane I literally counted down the days to weekend. I work everyday. Besides, being a relief teacher dealing with annoying primary school kids just added to my misery. The only real highlight was to have my boyfriend hanging out with the family on Wednesday. We had everyone gathered in front of the tv for the weekly 'Kum kum' series. Yea, it was that simple but it brightened the few days of my week because time spent with my boyfriend is always amazing. :)

The week passed by so slowly, I was really itching for the weekend to come. Weekends are always 'Boyfriend days' as I would love to call it. :) Saturday started out pretty bleah at first just because I've long wanted a private date with my boyfriend but couldn't because we have a friend's 21st to attend to. The party's theme was cute, something fairytale-y and the dress code was to dress in bright and odd colours. Mine must have been really peculiar because I felt weird myself. I must say yesterday wasn't really my day because the top I was wearing just snapped. It's a sleeveless top, with gold chains hanging loosely on the shoulders. I must have pulled it too hard while tucking it in, the chain snapped. Sigh. That explains the cardigan which I think, is a total turn off. I loathe my hair and I had it cut earlier this afternoon. I'm not too happy about the new style but definitely think it's a lot better. What's new? I loathe everything about myself. Not healthy.

The party was pretty mild but my boyfriend, being the usual him never fails to lighten up the atmosphere. I bumped into a few friends whom I used to have a certain unexplainable disliking back then when I was in poly. We started exchanging smiles and engaged ourselves in apparently, very long conversations. I was surprised that I enjoyed the very contradicting plot.

While others were indulging themselves with a very scrumptious buffet, I found myself pondering on how my 21st should be. It's a month away, so many plans, so little time. I'm not sure if I'm really hyped up about the whole 21 thingy because being older just means a huge load of responsibilities. Responsibilities aside, I'm in the midst of putting the pieces of my dream party together.

love nad

Never expect too much or you'll drown in more disappointment. Our anniversary's tomorrow. Nothing to be excited about. Tomorrow is hell. Nevertherless, I can't wait to see you tomorrow Thamby. And yes, I just got excited. What irony.

I love you.

love nad

Good but bad.

Today was a rather pleasant day. I did not get my weekend stroll at Orchard Road but I should not rant as much because I spent quality time with boyfriend and sister. Since the boyfriend's mid-term exam falls on Monday, I have no choice but to sacrifice my weekend just so he could do his revision. Sister spent her time finishing her homework. It was really wise on her part because if I could recall correctly, I was never like her at an age of 13. I'd choose flipping through fashion magazines than indulging myself with school books on a weekend.

I'm so glad my sister is not like me at all because if she is, I have millions to worry about. The last thing I want from my sister is her to follow my footsteps. Seriously, if I could turn back time, I'd really change every little bit of me. From the uneccessary hang outs with friends whom have not bring me to any good, the unneccessary scoldings from my parents, the countless times my parents had to confiscate my phone just because I have a boyfriend.....really, the list goes on. I wouldn't call myself a rebel because I still obeyed my parents but certainly went against them at some points of life. My point is, notice the number of 'unneccassaries' I just stated.

Mum always say I'd be in NUS or NTU now if I have been studying diligently, heading back home straight after school, not mixing with the wrong group of friends and avoiding whatever that's not bringing me any success back when I was in high school. Well, I am not sure about the whole NUS and NTU thing because I loathe studying, very very much. I am only doing it for the sake of my future.

Come to think of it, I do not have any regrets about the mistakes I did. Because for one reason, I felt those mistakes are the reasons for who I am today. I fell, stood back up proving myself I can be better than who I used to be. Though I really must admit, I'd be in a local university now if I hadn't misbehave back then but oh well, I enjoyed my youth. That's what matters as of now (I really am comforting myself).

Now that I'm turning 21 and have yet to step into the world of 'heavy partying and clubbing', people do look at me differently. It really bothers me at times but I guess at the end of the day, realizing partying doesn't bring me any good sure help me in turning down the party offers. Sigh. Though I really want to have a taste of partying badly, guess that has to wait once I graduate from Uni next year. Then again, as I grew older, I realized my mindset has changed tremendously. I'd rather spend my days travelling than clubbing and getting wasted while jeopardizing my dignity. I don't know, I was just thinking.

Oh well, here's to maturity.

love nad

A little bit too much.

I am bored to my wits and I am already counting down to the new semester. I am really considering working for Ferragamo to occupy myself during the remaining holidays. I am not really sure if I should because lazing around at home till September doesn't sound that bad either. Besides, I foresee my boyfriend strongly procrastinating about the whole idea of joining Ferragamo again since we already have very little time to ourselves during the weekend.

Side track just a little bit. I received a heartwrenching news from Mum this afternoon. A distant aunt of mine was diagnosed with kidney failure years ago. As if that wasn't bad enough, she found out she had cancer early last month. If you were to think of it, dialysis and chemotherapy just don't go well together. Dialysis washes out the toxic in your body while chemotherapy allows medicine to flow through your veins to kill all the 'bad' cells as they call it. Based on that fact, her chemo sessions are delayed. As if God hasn't tested her enough, her scanning earlier this afternoon showed she has a blood clot in her heart. I really must say, she is one strong woman I definitely admire. God, please give her the strength to fight.

Mum has been really strict about the family's diet lately and Ashiq, that includes you too. Just so you know, Mum's not happy at you having fast-food almost every day. Probably you need a wake up call.

Honey, specially for you. Get this in your head.

Disadvantages of eating junk food : If this type of food becomes a habit, the immediate consequences may be overweight, high cholesterol, increased blood pressure, diabetes or cardiovascular disease.

To lead a blissful life, good health would suffice.

love nad

I LOVE YOU.

Let it roll.

Ending the night with hot milo and peanut butter bread can never be more perfect. My head still throbs and I am really controlling the temptation of popping pills. I shall not even brag about it. These few days have been pretty marvellous and I am delighted as of now.

Saturday was well spent with my lovely boyfriend. Shopping with the family on a Sunday really ended my week beautifully. I am pleased with what I bought; a Ted Baker dress, a Desigual dress (specially for the boyfriend who's madly in love with Desigual) and a pair of sandals from Forever 21. There were plenty of good deals I had trouble making a decision. Mum was such a sweetheart. She entertained my antics, shop to shop even though she wasn't as strong as before. She too, has been fulfilling her shopping desires. Not forgetting my annoying little sister who was ecstatic when Mum bought her dresses from Zara.

Mum's health has been improving lately and we are all elated. I admire her for her bravery and courage to fight her illness that has been eating up her strength as the days passed by. Despite that, she stood strong, fighting for herself and the family. Dad on the other hand, whom I see as an inspiration. Broken into pieces when Mum was diagnosed with cancer, he still put up a brave front, facing this tragedy like any real man would. I've always loved the times when he'd sent me for my scholarship interviews. We'd have our private talk in the car; the only time I could really find out his real emotions. Dad is an amazing man. I've always looked up to him and I still do. I love seeing how my parents care for each other. If that's true love, I do not mind dying for it.

As of today, my day wasn't as blue as any Mondays should be. It was nice. I had a 'Me, myself and I' time upon waiting for Belly's arrival. The long bus ride from Bt Batok to town allowed me to do a little bit of self-reflection. I deliberately opted for bus because knowing Belly, she isn't someone who prioritizes punctuality and indeed I was right. She arrived an hour late. I should not whine because I managed to grab a pair of ALDO heels (drools at it) while waiting for Belly. :) Trust me, it is very rare for me to do my shopping alone. Honestly, being alone wasn't as bad as I thought and I'd really love to do that again some day. Dinner was marvellous, awesome food with the right company (Belly, Chantelle and boyfriend.) :) Lastly, my boyfriend has been really sweet to me these days. I have no idea what has gotten into him, but I'm loving every second of it.

Cheers to more awesome days.

love nad

A lovely weekend can never make me any happier. Though my mood was dampened when my boyfriend took nearly a decade to reach. I couldn't bring myself to be mad because my heart immediately melted at the sight of him.

My day really picked up when he declared today was my day; which equates to...a pass to shopping endlessly, walk along the streets of Orchard Road without him whining and definitely have my way for almost everything. In actual fact, every dates have always been my way but I felt an extra tinge today just because he was more 'lovey-dovey' than the other days. Naturally, his sweet gestures were rewarded with plenty of hugs and kisses from me. *though I really think he showered me more with his kisses.

I really loved today. It was simple yet memorable. From the heart-to-heart talk bus ride to town, having me going crazy over the cheap sales at the flea, the polaroid charity (loved the most!), getting excited over Ayam Penyet, the long walk to Dhoby Ghaut where we giggled our hearts out making fun of each other, the stuffy bus back home which broke down and left my boyfriend cursing, the train ride home and us giggling at people, nibbling on chocolate waffles as we walked back home and of course, to top it all off, his goodbye kiss.

Today has been absolutely wonderful and I could never ask for more. :)

He is a beautiful cliche, tall, dark and handsome with the eyes of an angel and the heart of a saint and he is a cliche because he is a boy and he doesn't realise I'm madly and insanely in love with him.

love nad