I'm legal.

First and foremost, it is my big 21 today! :) The long awaited number is finally here and now that I am really 21 of age, I find myself in awe. I am a full fledged adult and my only wish is to be a successful woman, strong in character.

This year itself has been tottery. My mum was diagnosed with cancer, my family was encountering financial difficulties and that alone, was huge enough to bring me down. Thankfully, everything has subside now and I can only thank God for it. How true when they say tragedies always brings a family closer. I definitely second to that.

I have always lived my life with ease, without problems for I know I have my parents to deal with those. I took advantage of that fact until it struck me really hard when I learnt I was at risk of losing the most special person in my heart; my mum. Just this year alone, I've learnt the true meaning of faith. The firm faith I had in my mum's recovery and my faith in God's doings and blessings. Now that I am 21, I have become a stronger person and someone who makes life worth living.

My 21st party was well spent on a fantastic weekend, together with all my friends and loved ones. I celebrated my 21st with my girlfriend, Chantelle, and if you ask me, I have no regrets by doing so. Our party was held at a plush North Indian restaurant (I LOVE INDIAN FOOD) and it costs around $1k. Thankfully, the cost was divided and that gave me a little breathing space. The party was really amazing, with really really good food (the Naan was scrumptious!), an awesome company of friends plus Chantelle and I were really treated like princesses so I really shouldn't whine on forking out too much money.

On a negative note, my mum was disturbed by some of my 'friends' who did not turn up for my party, let alone RSVP. Let's just put it this way. I wouldn't want to act all high school and bitchy about this whole thing because only God knows what their reasons are. Besides, I have no rights over their lives and attending my party is really their choice. Their absence did not really matter to me but that definitely drew a line between the true and phony friends I have.

I better stop the rantings or you'd find me bitchy. I shall let the pictures do the talking then. :)

I proudly say I did this banner! Chantelle did the heart cutting and I finished off the rest. It was a last minute work (I woke up early before the party to finish this off) so pardon my workmanship. :) The restaurant had an enchanting background and we found it really cute to hang the banner in between the men.

Chantelle; she who lent me a shoulder when I cry, who shared my joy with me, watch me fail and succeed, bring me up when I fall. She is everything I could ask for. She cancelled her study trip to Scotland and now that I have her with me, I can't wait for school to start! :D

My beloved family came and I was really touched by their presence. :')

We specially ordered our cake in a shape of a key. 'The key to freedom' as I like to call it. It was a cake from Swensens and you know how delicious their ice-cream cakes are.

Here we are with our love ones. :) The crowd wanted us to exchange kisses, yeah, I get it, R21? Hahaha. Well, we suck at being all cheesy in front of people so here is a decent picture of us four.

I have more pictures but it is a hassle to upload here in blogger. The rest are in facebook. :)

The restaurant played a birthday song during cake cutting and I admit I was blushing throughout. All the attention and pairs of eyes were directed towards us and I was hoping so bad the song would end fast. Apparently, it did not. It went on for a few rounds and kept Chantelle and me giggling throughout.

All in all, I really had a blast at my party and I must say it was really an awesome 21! My friends pampered me with wonderful gifts, gifts I never thought I would have! :D So here is a big thank you for those who were there and I definitely know now who my true friends are.

Those aside, I must thank this pretty boy here on a personal note. :)

For the times I was really in need, you were there for me. Never once you left me on the ledge. It has been two years and a nearly a half that we have been together, never once have I thought of leaving you. You have always been with me, in different phases of life. I am no more a teenager. I am a woman who loves you dearly, who'd work really hard and be successful for us. You have never give up on life and for us, you would even go the other side of the world. If you are willing to do that, I'd risk everything to be with you.

I love you, A.

love nad

Don't wake me up.

I was expecting the sun to shine on me. Instead, I got drenched in pain.

love nad

Words and letters.

People judge.
How do you want them to look at you?
Where am I?
Who am I really?
Because, I, for one reason, lost my identity.

love nad

Pause and play.

It has now become a norm that Saturdays are spent with families or friends. The last time I spent my Saturday alone with the boyfriend was......(I swear I can't recall). People say it brings no good to a relationship if you haven't had a private date with your partner for long. Well, as much as I want a private time with my boyfriend sometimes, I personally prefer having company. So true to the saying, 'the more, the merrier'. It never fails to excite me every weekend.

Just last Saturday, I had a shopping spree with my cousin, Zakir. That's his girlfriend, right there.

They really remind me of the times I shared with H. So young and naive, freshmen in the polytechnic and dealing with the hiccups of their almost three years relationship. That was exactly how I was with H five years ago but the one thing that differs from Zakir's relationship; I found myself crying 3/4 of the time I was with H. The years have passed and I still find little bits of memories of him in me; not the happiness we shared but the pain he inflicted. It has been years since the break up but trust me, I'm still haunted by the heart break. It is funny how the person you once loved so dearly can cause so much pain in your life that it sometimes affect your current relationship.

I really hope these two love birds last forever, though I have striked 'forever' out of my dictionary. I've always wanted to grow up with my partner together, go through high school, polytechnic and climbing the career ladder together. I've failed the first time, but now that I'm with Ashiq, I'm giving my all to make it work.

My boyfriend once said, everyone has to experience a major heart break before having the right one. You make mistakes in the past relationship, you learn and make the current relationship a better one. I've always loved when he gives words of wisdom because most of the time, I find him hilariously annoying. I think I should emphasize on the word, ANNOYING. Though I can't deny, it is when he annoys me that I love him the most. :)

I've been wearing the princess hairband a bit too frequent now. I find myself too boring without it but with it, it made me extremely self conscious, especially when I received stares from strangers. Sigh. I am having girl problems. I want to look pretty but I don't even know where to start. My girlfriend said I should start living with the quote, "Loving yourself makes every part of you beautiful." Well, easy said than done huh?

My love bought me a jumpsuit for my birthday. :) It is costly for a jumpsuit (I've been contemplating in buying it for months) but my boyfriend bought it anyway! I'm definitely wearing it at my party come next weekend. :D

My baby sister has been spending way too much time with my boyfriend I'm starting to think she is emotionally attached to him. We always have our girly talks and she left me flabbergasted when she asked me not to leave Ashiq. She added things would be really different without Ashiq and she will not like it if I end up with a random Tom, Dick or Harry. I find her really adorable to even think of such things at a tender age.

We ended off the night with my all time favourite Ben and Jerry. I had an amazing weekend with this bunch! :D For now, I'm counting down the hours to tomorrow.

love nad

Dear Mr Genie, now that I'm turning 21..grant me my wishes.

My wishlist kept increasing by the day. By hook or by crook, I'll make sure I get each and every one of them. I'm not featuring all (I'm lazy) but here's a peek of my wants.

I've been looking for a pair of wide leg trousers but I couldn't find it anywhere. Sigh. I'm so madly in love with it. This pair of jeans is the new sex, especially when you match it with a gorgeous sexy pair of heels. I'm not a huge fan of jeans back in poly. You can always see me wearing a pair of hot pants, bandage dresses or skirts. My boyfriend claims I'm still stuck with my teenage look. Booooo. Think it's time to make a change to a more adult look! True Romance Eyeshadow Palette

This pretty thing is a palette of eight eyeshadow colors from tattoo-artist Kat Von D. The spectrum of colours will give you smoky eyes which instantly adds an air of mystery. I look ridiculously plain in pictures and look a lot worse in real life. I've always adored girls with gorgeous eye make up. Because I had complexion problems throughout my teenage years, I never wore any make up. Now that it has all cleared up (well mostly), I guess it's never too late to start my work of art!

Save money, save money, save money........

love nad

My saviour.

Youtube, I'm going to be highly dependent on you.

love nad

What are you?

You made me fall for your smile, all over again.

love nad

Keep it together.

In February this year, Mum broke the news to the family that she was diagnosed with cancer. My heart lurched upon hearing the heartwrenching news. Thankfully enough, with prayers from our dear friends and families, my nuclear family overcame this tragedy. For the faith I had in God, it all paid off.

Just yesterday, Mum decided we headed Geylang to get us baju kurung for Raya. To be honest, I find myself in an extreme apprehension at the thought of Raya. Getting a new suit for Raya did not even cross my mind. All I wanted was to have my family together, all healthy and happy. Mum did not think the same. Mum got both my sister and I two sets of suits each, which I thought was unneccassary. One suit costs near $200 and I really think the money is worth for other necessities.

"It's okay. I don't mind spending on the both of you because honestly, when I was told I was diagnosed with cancer, I didn't think I could spend Raya with you girls this year." I looked into her eyes, speechless. I felt my heart throbbed upon hearing what she said. Why didn't I even think of that? All this while, I took advantage of what God has given me.

Mum is an amazing woman and there is no one else who could take her place. After months of chemotherapy sessions, and now that she has completed all her cycles, I'm immensely proud of her determination. Now that my family is back to normalcy, I couldn't be any happier. The pictures of her undergoing her chemo sessions, all tattooed in my mind. I still remember how I was constantly worried about her health and how we'd make it through the months. I had school to worry about and I always have to accompany Dad in the emergency area at such unearthly hours. At times where Mum had a sudden fever attack in the wee hours of the morning and we had to rush her to the hospital at even 4am, leaving Dad and I to take a short nap in the car while waiting for Mum to be registered to a ward.

It wasn't completely smooth sailing but cliche' as this sounds, the experience has brought us so much closer. Those are memories I wouldn't want to keep but I still have them, carved so deep at the back of my mind.

The doctor has confirmed Mum's cancer cells are really gone. Sure, she still has to go for her monthly check ups but the worst is certainly over. God, I have no one else to thank but you.

love nad