Today I was left broken, with my soul hanging on the line. I don't have the strength, the strength to pull myself together, the strength to play the role of a leader in the family. Life would be better if my other half is here in this tiny red dot of the map. I've missed you, my dear boy, always have. But I thought it's good that you're a million miles away just so you won't get into this dirty picture of what you call; my family.
I lived today with regrets; the thing I regretted the most in my 21 years of living. One by one, I tore old pictures of him and me. God knows what got into me. I have no idea, I just went berserk. I must admit I was disrespectful and I played the role of a daughter any parent would not wish to have. Is it my fault? Have I not made any effort to keep the four of us going? Did I not try hard enough?
What frustrates me the most was that straight look on your face. I don't feel your sincerity in your apologies. I could not sense a single bit of remorse, your hunger for us. And that one thing that crushed me if I could describe it as death; "I don't feel wanted here but I feel wanted there, like a family." That simple statement from you, which you may think it's harmless, was enough to crush my hopes and dreams for my future, our future, the four of us. You, the man in our lives, deserve my utmost respect for the years of sacrifices and unconditional love you've given to us.
You built our kingdom from scratch and I must say, you're the best any child could ever ask for. You've raised us well. I'm a graduate, I earn a decent amount of salary and don't you want to share my success? Your sacrifices, your support, your money and time dedicated to us all these years, just so we'd be someone valuable to the society. Don't you want to feel the 'fruits' of our hard work? I made sure I have everything any parent would be proud of, but you, of all people, had to ruin it all. Am I at fault?
I'm a vicious monster; daughter any parent would not want to have. But am I wrong to protect the woman who brought me into this world? Am I to blame? I tore pictures of you and me, seeing how happy you were hugging me, oh how I miss your hug. I miss your love, I miss you. "I'd tape it all up once I've come to my senses", that was what I thought. Your heart must have sank when you picked up those torn pictures I scattered on the floor, pictures of you and me when we were happy, or more to..when you were happy being around us. How I wish I could tell you I'm truly remorseful of my actions and my heart gave way when I couldn't find the pictures anywhere. You must have thrown it. I'd very much love to ask you where you had put it, but my pride is definitely more important than anything else now. Egoistic as it sounds, you deserved it.
"To you, the man of my life, thank you for all the memories and the sacrifices you've made for us. I could not thank you enough, but my heart is already broken. I don't know who you are now Dad."
