The Home Girl on a Sat-A-Day

The home girl rotting away. Can't wait for the evening to arrive. Coz the girls are badly missed by her. Her boyfriend, J. Prolly must be having his fun at his friend's chalet. Why oh why mama can't I join them. It's so frustrating. I'm 19 yet treated like 9. Yesss! I see a ray of light now. Nizam just called so I'm going to get ready now and see him in 15 min at Ivan's place. Heaven. When you befriend your neighbourhood friends.

Till then, catch you silent readers tonight. Coz hanging out with the girls totally mean tonnes of stories. Can't wait! Last thing, J, I miss you fucking badly. Ok, chao!

xoxo,
The Home Girl

Breadth of this sentence and the depth of its meaning.

J, I love you.

What's my name again, what's my name again?

First things first, I really gotta say this. You were right. My life is a lot better now that you're gone. I'm glad.


So today, I was out with my neighbour and he received a call from his boys.
"Aku sekarang dengan anak papa ah."
Okayyyy, and I was like. What?! ANAK PAPA. Of all names. Tsk.
Dad, I guess you just got to stop hugging me in front of those boys.
Because, it is....actually seriously UNcool.

You can't break my heart. Try your best baby.

J's over at Zouk now. And apparently, I'm not quite happy about that.
But, what can I do right? I've had more midnights outing than him this entire year and I don't hear any complaints on his side. So, I might as well shut the fuck up before he sounds me.
I know there'll be plenty of alcohol since all of them are boys. And thank god, none of them are driving. I may sound annoying here but I'm extremely worried about the littlest thing prolly.
I know him too well and yes, plenty of alcohol, so he's gonna blow his cash on everything and would get wasted. For all I care, he jollywell spend time with me this friday. Okay breathe.

I've changed coz of you Khai.

Ask me on my holidays now.
For the past one week, I've been sleeping, eating, going out till midnight, sleep, eat, and yes, it's a cycle.

J's busy with work and his bunch of friends.
My girlfriends are caught up with boyfriend, work and such. And, poor me ended up with my guy friends. I don't mind. Certainly don't mind. I mean, it's nice to have them but to a certain extent.

I'm not bragging, not complaining. Nothing of that sort. I really treasure these friendships but I can't deny sometimes, their actions sometimes piss me off. All they're good at is to make me feel confused. Especially, when J and me, drifting apart. It's not good at all. Right.

I went out with Ziq earlier today. Things went well till he decided to sit and talk about us. And he got me wondering, since when 'Us' came into the picture? But oh well, I wouldn't wanna make a big fuss about it plus I was curious of what he meant by 'Us'.

So ya, boys being boys. Got all cheesy and stuff. I supposed he was expecting a positive response from me, but what more can I say? I mean, ya, I appreciate every single thing but seriously, these words, oh my god. I've been hearing them from how many mouths already. All I want is a friendship, I don't get why they have come to this. It's sad, really.

And I amazed myself today. When Ziq asked me, "Tell me honestly, you have more feelings towards me or Joel?" I slapped him in the face; in a jokingly manner that is , and said, "To start with, I never had feelings for you, and second, it is Joel I love." Wow right? I mean, for me. Yes, it's a wow.

All of this, after Khai left. Such major impact. I've learnt, not to love easily.

J, turn back time.

Baby, I'm done. Are you?
Come back now. And spend time with me like how you used to.

I don't need others. I need you.

Is that how you see us?

Unbelievable.

She said to him, "Eh, so how you met your girlfriend?"
Moment of silence. One word, awkward.
And I jumped in, "Uh no, he's not my boyfriend."
He smiled.
"Oh really? You guys look compatible with one another!" *Giggles.
Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. But, ummm. No.

I reached home near midnight. Joel wasn't very pleased, but not as angry as I'd have thought.
How can I not love this guy?

And I don't get how boys play the game.
You guys are not my fucking boyfriend so why do you have to bother what time I'm heading home. Who I'm out with.
Omg. Even Joel don't pester me with such questions. Annoying much.