Get your own coffee.

Hey D, you're such a fucking bitch. Make sure you don't talk to me at all.

Mi-se-ra-ble; adj.

I felt so down today. I did a lot of uneccessary thinking; which in turn doesn't help a bit. I just need fags. Really.

Lead me to Fairytale Land. J, not you. You can't.

Nadz™ says:
*baby, i ask you. if im chinese, would you take this relationship to a higher level?

Joel™ says:
* Yes baby. I'm sorry to say that.

Nadz™ says:
*it's ok sayang. i know.
*=(

J,you know, you just broke my heart.

Decide on a date baby.
We'll part. I'm quite done now.

And you said, "I really love you ok?"

To be honest, this time, you stabbed me in the heart.

First time.

J and I had a tiff today. For the 1st. Really. Screwed much.

That guy who sat on the bench.

Today, for the first time in my 19 years of living, I found myself standing at a corner admiring a guy. I check boys out all the time, but those left me no impact. But that boy today, amazing. One thing that still makes me ponder, he's not my type or so you call it 'not my cup of tea'. But, there's something that caught my attention. In which, I'm still wondering.

What ifs.

Tuesday was nice. Those thoughts, our conversations. Thank you awesome.

Man Utd's pretty cute. You.

Today, J was Man U boy.

Counting down the days to our 2 years. Happy Monthsary Love.

It is not every month that we celebrate our monthsary-s. So, today, is one special monthsary.

I love you J.

A point of time you know, not everything goes your way.

The fact that you endured so much of my abuse, meant absolutely everything to me. I’d never forget the times I felt inferior, only to have you wrap your arms around me, brush my hair, and told me not to cry. Which I didn’t, because you were there. I had nothing to fear. I’d hate to sound stupid and cheesy, but baby, you make my best boyfriend.

Every time our eyes met, it brought back tons of delightful memories. Made new ones as well. I want to keep falling in love with you. I have no other addiction but you.

I'm counting the days we have left, for we know that we have to part. These remaining days, I'll treasure and I promise, I'd bring the best out of it and when we go our separate ways, I want to hear you say, "Nadz, you're my best."

J's 21.

My dictionary.

par-tia-lly scr-ew-ed; adj

"A girl was hanging out with her ex-bf at his workplace without realising her bf's bestfriend is working there. In other words, her bf's bestfriend is her ex-bf's colleague. Her bf's bestfriend thought there's something going on between the girl and her ex-bf without clarifying and told the girl's bf. Thank god. The girl's bf is not an ass and not made a big hu-ha out of it. Sooo, the girl's not all screwed up, but partially screwed."

You are such a mofo.

Omg. I smell B-I-T-C-H. Anyway, can't wait for Monday with the best. Best, please make me love IB. PLEASE.

I'm no where near my cousins.

My aunt called me earlier today from Belgium to tell me they're coming home in April. They got hold of my facebook, browsed through my pictures and tell me how beautiful I've grown since the last time they saw me, and trust me, that's over 10 years. That's really sweet but really, I'm not near beautiful. Here goes my low self esteem syndrome.

I'm overly excited coz I miss these girls. I swear they've grown super pretty since I last saw them. Envy. My cousins. Sharifah Olivia Cleirbaut and Farah Salina Cleirbaut. I'm not being mind fucked but I'm definitely jealous of them. I tried searching for my boy cousin, Michael Angelo Cleirbaut over in facebook, but I can't seem to get hold of him. And I swear he looks amazingly charming from the picture my aunt sent me months ago (I've lost it, sadly). Tsk. These malay mixed ang moh. How I wish I'm a Cleirbaut.

April, come faster.

Love stories are never nice to hear.

Lunch. Gf. And a guy. New updates. Love life. Unwanted truth. Truth hurts. More complications. Myself and I. Being the middle person.

While others are having problems with love, my favourite boy and I are enjoying life.
Only J.

How heart to heart talk can change a friendship.

The clique had a heart to heart talk. I wish we didn't. Coz only today, that I found out my 'I thought to be my super close guy friend' talked bad about me after 2 years he made that particular remark.

Cheryl : Eh Nad, you know that Anil (Fuck, I don't care revealing his name.) said something bad about you when you first got together with Joel. He said something like, "I'm so disappointed with Nad. She can do a lot better. Why Joel? Of all boys. If Joel can get her, it'd be damn easy for me to get her. I'm sure I'm a lot better than Joel. I can treat Nad better than him."

Me : Fuck him. Really? He did say that?!

Sheila : Yeah. We just didn't wanna tell you coz you guys were damn close.

Pffft. Anil, you're so full of yourself. And guys like you, such a turn off. You want to play the comparison game. You're not even near.

I love you. I really do.

Baby, I'm gonna make your 21st a blast!

Everything's so complicated.

"We don't have to be together to love each other baby."



Grandma's birthday dinner today. Awesome.

Oh mermaid!

Fishing with the Clarke Quay boys and their girlfriends.
And, we caught a mermaid :)
We just assumed.

And I crave for J.

How now?

"Hey Nad, I wanted to tell you this just now but I don't have the chance to. I'm very happy to see you. Whenever I'm with you, I forgot about her. Only you can help me forget her. Thank you :) I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have rushed, I should have waited for someone better. And it's you. Thanks for making me happy Nad."

Hey you, let's not risk our friendship.

What J can do to me.

I'm a happy girl coz J's beside me now!! :)

I love you, J.

Speechless.

He walked towards me smiling. I smiled. He held up his wrist. And there, my name tattooed on his naked skin.

No. I just think you're screwed.

You fucked. That's sad. And you fucked an irresponsible guy. That's even more sad.
Shit happens. But what the hell is wrong with you?

Here's a question.

How would you react and what would you do when two boys who are really nice likes you?
Wait. I'm not done.
And they're bestfriends.


I've been thinking. I'm just gonna go missing. Ya. I think I should.

One by one.

I'm counting down the days. And they say, we will last.

2010 shits, and it's only the beginning.

Everyone looked forward to NYE, and to be honest, I would’ve thought I’d be excited as well, but I wasn't, for some reason. It’s like you’ve been looking forward to something all year, and then when it’s finally here, and you realise it isn’t even a big deal; nothing you haven’t seen before.

But I shan't brag much because I have 2 lovely boys to spend my New Year with me. Those fireworks, the smelly people squeezing their way through, all those, near worth it. Though I wished so much I was on the other side of the island partying with J and friends throughout the night. That'd be more ideal.

Spending the weekend with the most awesome, J. The only thing worth looking forward to this week.