I rummaged in his room for the 'forgotten treasure'. There it was, placed perfectly by the side of his bed. For the years I've been with him, I knew it was there. I've been procrastinating to open the box but curiosity kills me everytime I laid my eyes on it.
For I know I need a lot of courage to see what's inside and to console myself that the treasures are his past. As I opened the lid of the box, letters, cards, gift wrappers all arranged neatly leaving little space for any other gifts. It was hard but I did it anyway.
I plucked up courage and one by one, I took them out. Specks of dust on each letters and gifts just proves he hasn't touched it for centuries. There beside me, my boyfriend assuring me it is me that he loves. He knew I'd inflict myself with pain with every letter and cards that I read. I reassured him that I was able to take it, even if it was painful.
I read the letters of confession, the beautifully handwritten pieces of cards and self-made poems to him aloud. Their monthsaries, anniversaries, the photos they took together, and the very tiny little movie tickets, sweet wrappers that he kept in memory of her; his ex-girlfriend. Oh how it hurts, who am I lying?
He knew I was hurting, probably saw it through my eyes and my tone of voice as I read those letters, one by one. I stood strong trying hard to hold back the tears, making jokes about the gifts to cover up the grief I had caused myself. I probably regretted because I knew, I am not as great as her. I suck at drawing, I hate making cards, I can take a month and never come out with amazing love poems and the letters I wrote to my boyfriend, they were not as good as hers.
As much as I was heartbroken, I brushed it all off. If you girls are thinking of what I just did, please don't. Pain like that, not worthy just because you'll start comparing. I did. He kept their movie tickets, doesn't even keep mine. He kept her sweet wrapper, but threw mine. He made her cards, but I didn't receive any. They celebrated their monthsaries, but I have few memories of mine despite the 2 years plus we've been together. The list goes on. You probably think I should have listened to him and put them all away, left untouched. I'm glad I took them out, though it was painful, but now I know where I stand, how far he'd go for me.
Don't get me wrong. My boyfriend makes an amazing boyfriend and amongst my ex-es, he is the best. But hey, we can't be petty and got to understand that as we grow with time, we get really busy and making cards, letters, probably a waste of time. (Though I find boys making time to make pretty cards for their girlfriends really cute because really, how many actually does that? Those boys, deserve an 'A' for effort.)
And as for me, I don't think I'd show all my past treasures to my dear boyfriend. It hurts like hell and I wouldn't want him to feel insecure, like I did. I totally do not mind him keeping those because I have my treasures too. No way am I throwing those because, once upon a time, they were the ones who carved a smile on my face. :)
Keep the memories, let go of the feelings and look to the future. God bless.
love nad
