Well, I should be sleeping now. But my eyes just couldn't shut.
I got a conversation stuck in my mind and it brought me to reality.
Life can change in an instant and it's not forever smooth sailing.
I foresee this post's going to be a long one, so gear up or if you'd choose to leave, farewell. :)
Earlier in the afternoon, I bumped into S on my way to Grandma's.
It's been ages since we last met so she decided to drive me off to Grandma.
S's like my super close girlfriend when I was 14.
We shared the same values, beliefs and what not. Take note, it's sharED.
She wanted to get some stuffs so I decided to accompany her since it's still early.
And, as we went on, I realised she, or me, more to us, have changed. A lot.
Well, it's been 5 years. And, the sad fact was, we changed for the worse.
I don't know what made us lose our way, but shit happens.
As she told her stories, it struck me hard her life's not as smooth sailing as it used to be.
She was a girl who took her studies seriously, topped in every single thing.
Things are different now.
She dropped out of school for a year and a half, got debarred, whatever shits you could think of. One conclusion, she's super screwed.
I was flabbergasted. If that's the right word.
And one reason that led her to these shits : BOYFRIEND.
She told me in a very calm manner saying she got into a depression when her boyfriend dumped her. How he left her with tonnes of bills unpaid. And mind you, it's HIS bills.
I seriously gave her the what-the-fuck reaction.
Boys, hate me if you have to, but seriously, you guys suck.
But, to think of it, boys and education? A major destroyer.
I couldn't help myself from cursing her earlier coz I just thought she was dumb.
She still gave me a wide smile and claimed she loves him.
Oh girl, just what is in your mind?!
Then again, I couldn't say much, coz ya, it applies the same to me.
The only boy who made me cry so hard, got me into trouble, made me look like a fool.
Was, yes girlfriends. You know who. The ex.
I'm not sure if Joel could make me cry that hard but I doubt so.
Memories of me skipping classes and rushing to Ngee Ann to see him after his class.
Spending the evening out till late though I have a fucking 40% test the next day.
And of course, I screwed up.
With a GPA which could hardly bring me to any of the local Unis, I swear I felt like quitting.
I wasn't born a blamer so I shall not blame him. Though I loathe him so much for all this.
I take the blame for my stupidity, for thinking boyfriend's everything.
This really explains why I do not commit so much in my relationship with Joel.
Our conversation got deeper as we went on.
And she managed to surprise me with her stories.
She told me she wasn't a virgin anymore and honestly, I was beyond shocked.
I swear I felt like biting her to death but, that's her life. She has chosen it to be that way.
Where were the values we shared?
The promise we made that we'd stay virgins till we're married.
Making out sessions are small games I play with and that, doesn't even matter.
Well, to me at least. It's just, making out.
From talking about sex to....
"I don't care who breaks my vagina first. The last is the one that's special."
That's what you say S. My values are still instilled in me. Deep inside.
I'm as wild as you.
I play small games. You play it big.
Then again, I'm disappointed in you S.
Your values and mine. It's not on the same page.
Call me conservative, but sex before marriage, is not my game.
p.s. And I've warned it's a fucking long post.
If I ever offended anyone, a thousand apologies.
