Love. It's unconditional.Learn to appreciate.

I love and miss these people. There's no need to hide, no need to deny.

1) Joel. I love you boyfriend. Thank you for all these years.

2) Dee. Bestfriend, thank you for your love. I never stop loving you.

3) Ama. Bestfriend, stay strong. We're always here for you. I really love you.

4) Sya. Though it's only a year plus, I really treasure you. Love you darling. Stay strong.

5) Haikel. Bestfriend, I love you. I'm sorry I've never been there for you.

6) Zakir. It's been years. I really love you. You make me smile friend.

7) Khai. I don't know what to say to you. I miss you.

8) Oli, you've always been here for me. Every single day, you'd look me up. Thank you. I love you.

9) Fessie. Come back to Singapore already! I want your hug.

10) Stanven. You big head. Never fail to make me smile.

11) Fit. Bro, we drifted apart. I just want you to know I really miss you.

Tell me something new.

I Love J.


I'm so bored. I swear.

Smell boredom.

I'm bored to my bones. Tsk.

Like finally I'm meeting J tomorrow. Tomorrow, perfection.

Awesome Sunday!

I haven't been a good friend to Sya and it hurts so bad. It's seriously depressing. I really hope things would turn out fine for her. I admire her for her strength when times are down. Sya, I really love you. I'm sorry I haven't been there :(

J would honestly be my no 1. I mean, are you seriously taken aback? No matter how much of a douchebag he is, his advantages overwrite his disadvantages. And I can't bring myself to say no to him. That sucks. I've not been meeting him since forever and yes, I'm fucking unhappy about it. But oh well, let him have his life and I'll have mine. F.

Anyway, I have been hanging out with the bestfriend a lot these days. And yay! Surprise admission to F1! Thank you, thank you very nice! I love you so mutcha!

Caught the cars in action but think it's too fast you can't really see them! Oh well.

Momentary Phase.

Him : I really need someone to talk to.

Me : You know I'm always here for you.

Him : I know.

Me : What's wrong? Tell me?

Him : I like her so much.

Me : Go tell her.

Him : No. I've tried. She won't like me.

Me : Don't give up. And she must be crazy. You're amazing.

Him : I just want her to know how I feel.

Me : Then go tell her.

Him : What should I say?

Me : Tell her how much you like her.

Him : She'll hate me for that. She claims she loves her boyfriend but she deserves better.

Me : Don't be sad. She'll love you. You're amazing.

Him : I'm always with her. I really love her. But, I don't think she likes me.

Me : I know how you feel. I have the same problem.

Him : Wait, who do you like?

Me : J, my boyfriend.

Him : Oh him.

Me : So are you going to tell her?

Him : I just did.

Push me further and I'll vanish.

J, text me something new. I'd be a lot happier I swear.

"Sweet, text me later. I'm busy."

And your later takes forever J.

Addict.

I was supposed to town with Ash today and I had to bail him out. I've got a last minute call from the school and because I'm a workaholic now, I just had to. So we decided to meet up for dinner and he was kind enough to fetch me from school. If only Dee could tag along, everything would be perfect. I miss the bestfriends.

I managed to keep this bunch quiet for 2 periods, so kudos to me. I see myself getting better at this. Awesome.


My table's cool. And underneath it, girls, you're so going to love it. The shoes. Heaven.

Too little's always too much and too much's always too little.

I never really understood why J and I don't make a big hu-ha on our special day. It just gets overly....annoying.

Anyways, Zach asked me out today. I thought it'd be cool and who gives a fuck for anniversary when J's too busy with...god knows what. Too much time it's almost ridiculous. Like how it's almost midnight and he has yet to call to check on me. Awesome. I don't get half the things J do. I don't even know why I bother trying. I'm just superly fucked up and still wondering why I'm spending my anniversary with Zach.

But a thing about Zach, he loves looking into my eyes and he goes, "From the first time I saw you 6 years ago till this moment, you're still beautiful. My feelings are gushing back like flood."

And I've always hated this part right here coz I'm aware, I'm not beautiful.

"J, do you even miss me like how i miss you?"

Mama, I've got 2 As and 4 Bs. Can?

Fuck the results? Pretty much yes. 2 As and 4 Bs.
Blame me on my frequent night outs. F off now. Disappointed much.
But still, here's a thank you to you God, coz I seriously thought I'd repeat modules.

And of course, to my baby Anizah, congratulations baby! Now, you gotta push me the next semester. Our final match.

J, tomorrow's our special day. Have I mentioned how my heart throbs when you turn to your friends and say, "She's the one."

And they say chocolates are lovelier than boys.

Primary 3 and 6 for the start of the week. Contrary to my predictions, the primary 3s and 6s today didn't turn out cruel as I had imagined. Bottomline; be more pessimistic.

Joel and his New Urban Male colleagues in the evening. An awesome ending for the day.
Seriously, I'm so dreadfully tired.

J, love is you.

2nd day and fuck.

2nd day wasn't any better. It was a whole lot of "Fucks". Sheesh. It's not over yet. To be continued.This coming Saturday. What effs. I hate visiting. Have I mentioned?

Today, I see a whole bunch of hot girls. Yes, my relatives. I feel unpretty. Tell me something new.

Oh yes. And tomorrow's another day of "Teacher teacher." I'm tired. Can I bail out? Morning session to make it worse. 7 am that is. Haix.

It's 1st day and I want it to end already.

It's 1st day. And my stomach cramps are not helping me a bit. I cried. From the apologizing. Only 4 houses today. I don't see a point in getting all dolled up on 1st days.

2nd day tomorrow. Definitely more than 10 houses. God, bless me. Tomorrow, don't come.

I swear I am so lazy for tomorrow. Gosh.

The time has come again.

Here's wishing everyone Selamat Hari Raya.

Yours sincerely,

Nadz & Joel

Hidden Monsters

"Teacher, teacher!"



And today's another round of primary ones and twos. Please, I need a break.

Yesterday, I was Ms Nadzirah. Today, I'm a Cikgu.

Teaching is tiring. Taking it seriously? No way. And today, I made a new discovery. My malay's effing screwed. I can't speak Bahasa Baku for nuts and I kept turning to English for help. Right, my bed's calling. Bye.
Oh ya, J, I'm totally in love with you. Surprising much hon? Yes, you read this.

Existence of karma.

I went through hell this morning. The primary 6; hooligans. Whatever I did to those relief teachers in my secondary school years, I'm truly remorseful. Because in today's human situation, I feel like shooting the little hooligans, one by one.

Tomorrow's another day. Afternoon session. Thank god. J's gonna be a sweetheart and fetch Miss Nadzirah from school.

God, make tomorrow easier.

It's not all the time that I get all lovey dovey.

J, kiss me in between our laughter.

You read my mind pretty well don't you hon?

I've got relief teaching tomorrow at Yuhua Pri.

7 am.

Can you feel me now?

Boy or Girl Driver?

When the boy drives, the girl's mind is never at rest.

When the girl drives, the boy says we're road hogging.

We girls don't play road hogging. We don't play 'I'm the Hero.' We go slow

but safe.

Ok, so say now. Who wins? Say girl driver. Or else...

The Geylang Curse

I surrender. Because I've tried and tried and tried and for so many years I've failed.
I guess Geylang and me, we are just not meant to be.

Every year, the same month, the bet with my family will be on. I'll end up talking big. Serve me right, today, I stumbled on my words.

Halfway through the bazaar under the scorching sun, my knees gave way and I passed out. In the middle of the crowd. No, I'm not embarrassed. This isn’t something I am not accustomed to.

If I don't faint in Geylang in the mid-afternoon during the fasting month, I'm not Nadz.

F-u-c-k-i-n-g S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y

Cheers to my not so perfect Saturday. And my wireless broadband just got to make things worse. And yes, I had to 'loan' my sweet brat's laptop for facebook. Ok, tell me I can't live without internet already! I felt my heart ripped out when I learnt my internet couldn't work.
F*********!

Ok, so sis, you're the sweetest today. Ok, my time's up. Like I could only use this shit for 10 pathetic minutes. God, save me already.

*Hello! Hannah here! Teehee!*

And of course, this boy here. Let's just wish him a very good happy birthday! Oh yes, 19 already. Haikel Hanafi, we shared an amazing journey since we were 13. We've been through the ups and downs and even if it led to hatred, we'd still come back for one another. So that pretty explains where you stand in my life? Pretty much. Here goes, my list of thank you-s.

Thanks for being a stranger.
Thanks for the smile.
Thanks for being an amazing friend.
Thanks for all the corny and cold jokes.
Thanks for being a wonderful bestfriend.
Thanks for your friendly love and understanding though you emphasised so much that your love was a different kind of love. It didn't matter, no?
Thanks for being my boyfriend for 2 years.
Thanks for the rollercoaster ride, the tears and the laughters.
Thanks for being a jerk, an asshole, bastard, just name it.
Thanks for being my fucktard ex-boyfriend.
Thanks for the assurance that you'll always be by my side. Yes, you've proven it. 6 years and still counting.
Thanks for the unecessary fights. Please take note. You're not my boyfriend any longer.
And lastly, thanks for your never-ending and unconditional love.

I love you,, bestfriend.

Mum, I beg to differ.

Every morning at 6am, Mum would come into Hann's room and then mine to wake us up for prayer. It's been like this since Ramadhan started, like I so know what's gonna happen next. Admit it, when it comes to this, you'd just be saying, "I don't care. I wanna sleep."

I'd sigh when I hear the creaking of Hann's bedroom door. And Mum would ask that 11 year old brat, "You wanna wake up for prayer?" What a question. Then I'll hear footsteps towards my door. I'd just wish those footsteps take forever so I can have my sleep.

Mum, ask me the same thing you asked Hann. I would very much say no. Tsk.
I'm ashamed of myself. Call me a Muslim.

Bestfriends are richer than chocolates.

I hear the voices of my legs pleading just to give them a break. I wish I could. Shopping with Dee? I supposed that's so not going to happen. Dee, no matter how much torture you put me through just now, I'd never stop loving you.




And the saying goes about how opposites attract.
J keeps ranting about how small he looks despite that sapau/fat (whatever you want to call it) body he has.
And on the other end, me, who keeps ranting about how big my thighs are despite the hundreds who've been assuring me my thighs are perfectly proportional. Tsk.
Oh well, so that pretty explains.

So, how? Geylang tomorrow with Mum.

J, I won't hesitate to say, I love you.

On 090909, J and me. A new beginning.

Only you, Secret, have the ability.

Secret,

Just so you don't know, I am not yours. So, there's no need for the hourly calls, the whole day of texting just to make sure I am fine. If you forgot, I am 19. Plus, not even my boyfriend or my parents check on me every single hour. I know that you care but it annoys me when I had to silent my phone and off the vibration mode just to avoid your calls. It is really, getting on my nerves already. I hate the fact that you never stop preaching about my dressing, my lifestyle, my type of friends and the tiny harmless things that I do. I don't know how to put it to you, but in simple layman terms, "Fuck off."

Because it has come to a point where, I'd say "Fuck" when I see your name on my handphone screen.

xoxo, Nadz.

No. I'm no villian.

Ash, tell me what you mean. Tell me what you mean.

Home Girl by Day, Crazy Girl by Night

I really figured out there are two girls that I really love.

Today, I brought this friendship we had, to a whole new level.