I have a mouth and when you go beyond my limits, I'm not afraid to use it.

For a start,FUCK to everyone who's been pressing on me for time. Really. Just so you know, I am fucking tired of telling people, I'm busy. 2 weeks of holiday sounds short enough. And to be reminded, projects and studying should be in the list. When I say I'm busy, I fucking mean it. So don't you go around saying I'm lying or saying I've forgotten you. If you do, fuck you very very much.

Second, let me tell you this. I don't have much time to spend with my boyfriend and it's not everytime that we hang out together. So, if you're a fucking jerk, by all means, be mad at me for not spending time with you. And out of these 14 days of holidays, we only have 3 days to ourselves. Fair much?!

Third, I'll be nice and say not only my friends who's been acting mean lately. J's friends are bitches too. I hate it when I have to fight with my boyfriend's friends to spend time with him. So, as you can see, everyone's being a bitch here and not letting us to spend time together. Seriously, fuck off. Stop assuming we are like other couples who go for movies after school or do sleepover. We DON'T. On normal schooling days, my boyfriend either works or gym. So there, see?! It's not everytime that we are together.

And of course, the most important thing ever. I have a family. They need their share of me. Booooo me if I'm not one of you who doesn't spend time with your families.

Now fuck off, coz I'm tired entertaining each and every one of your antics.

I can't control this anger.

Heartbroken.....just a little.

And I bit his cheeks.

Suweeet.

J says, "I love my baby, Nadzirah."

And it's not everytime that I hear that from him.

My 9 years old cousin, Ryan.

"Kak Nadzra. I give you one joke. What is corn and neck when you join them together?"

Never ever underestimate kids' intelligence.



Awesome Sunday we had. Today was grandparents' 51st anniversary.
So Atok treated all of us to this fancy restaurant for the anniversary dinner.
51 years. Amazing.
Pictures not with me. Booooo.

J's the Sex! ;)

This guy here rocks my world. Love you J.


Even they do ;) Teehee. Super love.

The Photographer.

"I miss you so badly. Your scent, your hair. It's longer. Now you look like one true emo rock dude. Just how I like it. That shirt I got you, do you still wear it? I miss playing with your DSLR, you taking shots of me. Us killing time puffing what you call, fags, at Railway Mall. Your torn shoes, your ZARA jeans I've always wanted. Why do you have to leave my dear friend? So much for saying, "Never a day will I leave you."


You're always online. I check on you all the time. I know you do the same. Jason told me. But, no way am I talking to you first. Get that. And I know, ego plus ego. It never works.

I'll stop with J.

On Christmas, I got to meet J.

Mum, you're just @#$%^&*()*&^%$

So, I'm spending the eve of Christmas, at home. Yea, when I am definitely supposed to be at a Christmas party with my lovely boyfriend, J, on our anniversary. Yes, you saw it. And here I am, typing this pathetic shit, AT HOME.

And of course, it has been a wonderful 1 year 8 months.

J, I love you.

Who'd expect?

And so I spent my midnight with my lovely baby J.
Come 24th, I'll give you my biggest kiss.
20 months. Still counting.

Don't believe? Give me time Baby.

"Baby, I'll make sure I'll get there. And you'll look up to me."

I really miss the boyfriend.

"Baby, if only I could give you $1 million, I'd want you to stay by my side 24/7 and not go to work."

Girls and their lingos.

Girl : Baby, don't you think we are drifting apart? Like we spent very little time together? I'm bored. You're always busy and I always hang out with my friends instead of you.

Boy : Drifting apart? I thought we are doing fine.

What the girl really means..................

"I'm cheating on you."

I'm ___________________.

One of those days I discovered something new about myself.
And that shall be my darkest secret.

Messed Up.

She marked me down. I kept quiet. She felt bad. But that wasn't the point.

IB. Fuck you very much.

I've wasted my weekends away. Neither did I study nor project.

Instead, Marina Square for Saturday.

And for Sunday, met the crazy bunch for dinner at Lau Pa Sat and then drop by Clarke Quay to meet the Clarke Quay boys till midnight. My blog's timing kinda screwed. 3 hours earlier that is. So don't mind that please.

Ash asked me to be a flight stewardess upon graduation. With my complexion like this, fat hope.

International Business report now. Ass.

Ok, you gotta love Friday.

Thank god it's Friday. I deserve a good rest. Good night world.

M have asked me to be his partner for his friend's wedding. I don't know. I'm still tired.

When my expectations exceed your performance.

You gotta learn the word initiative.
I'm not happy with you.
At the end of the day, it's others I rely my happiness on.
Never your name.
You're a bitch.

Home at mid night.
Slacked at Clarke Quay.
He, damaging his lungs slowly.
Accompanied me for a smoke, and then his friends.
I smoke. 5 sticks.
I don't give a fuck you bitch.

When anger takes over me.

Do you think J feel the same way?

M said, "Babe, you rock my world."

Boyfriend's Jerome.

I thought Grandma was ultra cute when she asked,

"Are you still together with Jerome?"

I said "Who's Jerome? I'm with Joel. You got the wrong J."

Check.

Mon, 7 Dec.
Human Resource Management

Wed, 9 Dec.
Buying and Merchandise Management

Fri, 11 Dec.
Personal Selling and Negotiation Skills

I am screwed for this week coz let's see, Monday's down. Spent my weekend mugging for Human Resource. Bloody tired so no way I'm mugging for BMM. Leave that for Tuesday. Speaking of Tuesday, I'll be lunch-ing with J and then head to town for shopping with Mum, Aunt and Grandma. My priority list at this point of time is so wrong but I've always had problems with priorities.

So, mugging for BMM tomorrow night then. And after which, on Wed itself, I'll chiong on my Personal Selling for submission on Friday. Let's see. NO hanging out on Wed and Thur. And we'll see if I mean it. Tsk.

Mon, 14 Dec.
Retail Store Visual Merchandising

Thur, 17 Dec.
Mall Management and Marketing

And so I shall spend my weekend, (again!) on mugging. 6 lectures. Boooo to that. I foresee I'd chiong on projects for the week. And of course, last minute mugging for Mall Management.

Ok, so there, Last Minute's my middle name.

Nadz is not available.

Singapore, I'd be out of reach.
Much love.
J, I miss you.
Why is Saturday never a boyfriend day.
Boooo.

No one can beat J.

That chinese malay boy gave me a wake up call at 7 this morning. Speaking of which, we stopped talking since he got to know I'm back with J, or prolly I think, it's more to he went MIA and I have no idea why he suddenly called. Boys and their antics. Freaking bitch, my class starts at 11 and I was wondering why I was wide awake at 7. Reason he called, he misses me. At 7am. Screw yourself man. God.

Elish got to know about him calling me and she got all excited. And I'm wondering why I felt NOTHING. Yeah, I can't deny he has got super good looks (he's a model) and looked rich but..still, I don't feel a thing. No tingling feeling, no excitement that he's tall, and has nice features and looked like what I'd always wanted back then.

Sounds like the perfect guy? Prolly to other girls out there but not me. My wants on the perfect guy has been fulfilled. His features, his dressing, what he has done for me and his smile, fulfilled by a boy I had met last April.

J. Ng.

Politics. You don't have to vote.

When there's politics within your clique, and you're left to choose between her and the other her, it's really uncool.

And when you gotta choose between the 'cool' and the 'nerd', which side do you go to?

Oh well, let's just put it this way. Count me out. I'm on NO sides.

And how I crave for you.

I haven't had my weekly dosage of Mcdonald. I'm feeling all lethargic without it. Been living on tomatoes, apples, oranges, lots of vegetables and gallons of plain water (pretty exaggerating) for the past one week and that sure explains how desperate I am on having a good complexion.

Let's just give myself a break. One day will do. Mcdonald tomorrow! With J and Marcus. Can I have Nuggets meal, Mcspicy meal, Big Mac meal, and .... oh ya. The Avatar thingy! I'll have that too! :)

When you fall, it's your parents who help you through. Not with words, but with action.

Today, my parents invested $1000 at Adonis and that, planted the hope in me. And if my complexion's not getting any better, I shall........

Rudolf, Leave me! :(

My friends were teasing me earlier, about how abnormal it was to see me with somewhat Rudolf's nose. Talk about painful. That really did hurt. :( I don’t quite think I’ll get used to this feeling so I'm praying real hard this Rudolf thing will go away.

I’ll have to say though, I played along being Rudolf. It doesn't matter does it. But there's way too many people giving remarks. Tears fell mostly because I felt hope died on me.

The best part though? J was such a sweetheart telling me things would just be fine. Each time he smiles. I don’t think I’d ever be immune to that smile. There is never enough things to talk about, never enough time to talk about everything. I know people get sick from coming here to read about me and yet all I could talk about is him. BELIEVE ME, without him, there is much, Much, MUCH less to talk (or write!) about.

Switch just for a day.

Sunday was awesome. And I can't wait for Monday.

And somehow they say, I'm more civilised than you.

"Belah la Minah."

And that's how I contradict.

Thank you B.

Only when he says, "Baby, not having a clear skin doesn't stop me from loving you. You still look gorgeous to me sayang." will you know that he's true to you.

I need to feed on tomatoes and plain water! ONLY!

M says:
*ahhahahahah
*oh my.
*anyway, u do look like chinese just now
*heh

Nadz™ J Ng. Chantelle says:
*tsk. ala! i was expecting you to say, you dont look chinese at all.
*haha!
*fine.

M says:
*ahhahaha
*but i like
*hahaha
*cos u don look minah
*ahhaha

Nadz™ J Ng. Chantelle says:
*tsk -.-
*all along you think i look minah la.
*ok lor.

M says:
*hahahah nolah
*awwww
*why do you keep saying you're not pretty?
*i think u look just fine
*i love ur beach tan.
*but u lack something

Nadz™ J Ng. Chantelle says:
*tsk. please la, i know i'm not pretty!
*lack something?omg what!

M says:
*hahaha
*u need to get some facial !! make it smooth and u be nice!

Nadz™ J Ng. Chantelle says:
*i know right! :(

M says:
*yeah
*but ok lar not that bad,.
*the breakout not that bad

Nadz™ J Ng. Chantelle says:
*tsk. i've always had probs with my complexion. screwed much man! :(
*you have no idea how much i hate my skin :(

M says:
*chill. you're still pretty to me :)

Nadz™ J Ng. Chantelle says:
*shutttup la. with flawless skin right! argh.

M says:
*babe, relax la. haha. just eat tomatoes and other veges.
*and drink plain water only! can already :)

Foursome is Awesome

Because when the company is awesome, you tend to lose control.

I sheesha-ed, a lot. And my head, feels heavy.

Baby, it has always been you.

Today, Mum found out we got back together. I looked straight in her eyes and say,

"I really love Joel."

You, you, you. Umm no, not you. Ahh! You!

It feels so nice to have J in my arms. Baby, let's just live these moments.

Smoke Kisses.

Right timing. Right place. Right feelings. Wrong boy.

Chantelle and The Frog.

Sent J to work. Had Chantelle for the night.

Boyfriend, from the bottom of my heart, I really love you.

For that faith I had in us, it paid off. J Ng.

Expectations Vs Reality.

Putting high hopes doesn't help. Instead, it kills.

J, I love you.

Pictures Overload.

I'll start with Tuesday.

Tuesday. Best friend. Lunch.


Wednesday. The boys dropped by. Slacked. Mcdonald.

A beautiful Thursday. Prata. Teh Tarik. Foursome. Lovely.

Friday the 13th. Wet bbq at Downtown. Fight. Ciggs. Lorry.

Saturday. Family night. 3 Monkey's Cafe. Botanic Garden.

Whole week. Ups. Down. Smoking. Crying. Laughters. This is life.

My smile, so plastic.

Oh God. I had always wanted to blog every single day, but I'm catching up with depression. I'm still not over the J thingy yet. It's been one month plus, but it's ok. I'll get over it. I'm quite done talking about him today coz I've been doing that since the day we broke up. What a life.

I'm catching up on the things I didn't get to do while I was with him so that kind of sums up my current lifestyle. I've been hanging out till midnight every single day. Mum bickers a lot but really, I don't give a shit. I'm just..too depressed.

So, I've been out quite a lot I feel like home's a hotel. Next week, no more hanging out. Promise. To make Mum happy, I cancelled my plans with the gang. Oh well, hanging out with family on Saturday night wasn't that bad. Wait for pictures. Blogger's a bitch now.

I'm happy. Really.

It is at this point of time, I see boys as mistakes. Mistakes you know that would harm you in the future, yet, you risk yourself and be ignorant.

I'm quite surprised as I scanned through my inbox messages, most were from girls. Boys, I avoided.

It's like, I just don't see a point.

My life. It's just screwed. Simple as that.

J, your mission's accomplished. You want me to hate you. I have. Be happy now.

Monday Blues turned Rainbow

I got no mood. School was shit. J sucks. I'm tired. These loves, made my Monday awesome. I got home near midnight. And I got grounded. But, I don't give a fuck.

At 5 in the morning.

This weekend was the worst. Breaking down coz of my break up was just amazingly annoying. Speaking of which, it's over a month now that we're friends. And I'm still not over it.

And Jake's suggestion on going for endless dates, so I'd stop thinking of J. Honestly, that was really a bad idea. I wish I could bring myself to see boys now, but the thought of having dates now, just not right. I'm so tired. Like, I need a break, but I don't know what.

You know, when you break up, you can't remain the best of friends. You're just putting up a fake front just for comfort. Telling yourself you still have him and all, but really, it doesn't help. Then again, pretending to be happy itself, takes up a lot of energy.

Anyhoos, on a happier note, not really, but oh well. Work was awesome. And, I think I wanna get a polaroid for myself.

I swear I was dead beat after work. Headed to Vivo for dinner with my parents and visited J while he was working. And that, was really a very wrong move. It felt as though my heart was stabbed a million times. My parents kind of noticed but what can they possibly do. Sucky much.

That point of time, dilemma on whether or not I should head to camp. Oh well, just to get my mind off J, I decided to spend the night with the friends. But fuck it, I'd forgotten most of them are couples, I realised I was digging a grave for myself.

I didn't realised M was observing me till he approached me and suggested we go for a morning walk. I thought it was just some normal thing and it struck me when he said, "I really need to talk to you but I didn't have the chance. Nadz, I need you to be strong...."

The story goes on. It's really nice to have someone who actually understands you. But really, it's still not helping.

Not a home girl on a Saturday night.

And today, you drew the line. You forced me to venture this single life all alone. That's why it's called single right? Tsk. Such irony.


Then again, at the very least, you should know I really love you.

I'll show you.

You give me shit, I'll give you hell. Now, find me.

"Ala, no car already B." says J.

Last day with the car to ourselves. Back to Dad's hands. Let me just say a big thank you to my car for being really nice to my friends and I for the week. Coz without it, Paragon for lunch, Zoo to slack, Marina Barrage to chill, Changi Village for supper, Vivo for movie, Dempsey for ice-cream, Bishan for chicken rice, Botanic Garden for lepaking, Choa Chu Kang for seafood, it's all not possible.

I'll prolly wait for a fine letter. Such dumb. After school, J and I rushed to the airport to fetch Dad. The first thing I said to Dad when he hugged me was, "Umm Pa, I kind of have a fine already." And J, right beside me, smiling sheepishly. A-hole! Lucky thing Dad didn't mind a bit! :)

Dad didn't know J and I are friends now. And he asked J to join us for family dinner at home. Just when I thought I got over it, Dad had to bring it up again. But with J and Dad in the car joking around like they used to, I feel effortlessly happy.

On a lighter note, I think my life's getting a little bit crazy already. Love it. This gang, I suddenly miss.




Dee, specially for you. I miss you fucking lot bitch!

Guys are just born bitches. Friend or lover, it doesn't matter.

Nadz™ Chantelle says:
*hey you.

Z says:
*hey.
*(:

Nadz™ Chantelle says:
*still fucked up with me?

Z says:
*huh?
*no.i'm never fucked up with you.

Nadz™ Chantelle says:
*can you at least tell me what's wrong?
*why suddenly mia?
*i mean, im totally fine if u wanna stop talking.

Z says:
*no we can still talk.
*but just friends?
*i rather earn an awesome and beautiful friend than risking that for something beyond that may not work.
*i'm sorry for only realising it now.
* ):

Nadz™ Chantelle says:
*ok, i mean, ya. Umm, i really dont know how to react to this. but ya, im glad. then again, why this suddenly?
*someone talked to you about it?

Z says:
*i just can't commint to anything right now
*and we're in diff schools.that's double the reason.
*my timetable is packing up too.

Nadz™ Chantelle says:
*well, the least you could do is to tell things straight to me rather than disappearing like tht? it doesnt help at all.

Z says:
*sorry. * ):
*sorry nadz.
*really sorry for doing that. ):

Nadz™ Chantelle says:
*haha. no worries. sorry, ya. easy as it sounds. plus, i never had anything on with you. not that i know of.
*relax la.

Z says:
*sighs.
*well,hope that you'll understand this.and i'm really really sorry that it's now then i realised.
* ):

Nadz™ Chantelle says:
*haha. no worries.
*ya, you're sorry.

Z says:
*arghxxxx.i know you're mad at me.and i'm not going to say anything.cause you have all the rights to be angry with me.

Nadz™ Chantelle says:
*hah. not angry. just heartbroken. i've never wanted more than friends. to think you have that thought. so you were never sincere about our friendship. you wanted something else.

*but ya, i mean thanks. i've never felt this way. all this while, i've been neglecting boys. leave them just like tht. karma. gotta believe in tht. then again, wow, you're the 1st. =) and omg, you're my closest friend. do you even realise that?

*anyway, thnx for everything all this while. *take care.

Z says:
*hey.
*why you're saying all this.
*and this is one of the reason why i don't want to tell you.
*it's never the end between us.
*it's just that we are still friends.
*can go out.
*chilling.
*smoke tgt.

Nadz™ Chantelle says:
*i know.
*i get you.
*i gt to go.

Z says:
*oh.
*kay.

Baby, today my smile. It wasn't fake.

1st day of school yesterday wasn't so bad. J and I drove to school. Simply amazing to have the car for a week. So, all in all, Monday wasn't blue.

Tuesday, 2nd day of school. Massive jam on the expressway and J couldn't stop cursing. I was late for school yet again. Really, having a car, it makes no difference. I'd rather take the train.

And for lunch today, the gang went Botak Jones without me! With my car! Ass. But oh well, I'm kind enough. J skipped his last lecture for Marina Barrage. It was an effing last minute plan and I regretted not keeping my kite and mat in the car. See, always follow your instinct.

Friends have been pestering me to patch up with him. It's just not possible and you know, I think we're much happier this way. Relationship is just a status. Get that.

My ex-boyfriend's simply awesome. And I never said I've stopped loving him.

I only love J. And A, you're Chinese.

A says:
*remember the first time we talked?

Nadz™ Chantelle <3 says:
*huh?

A says:
*we were always up really late

Nadz™ Chantelle <3 says:
*really? haha. i have such bad memories.
*but we had so much to talk about last time.

A says:
*Oh well nvm

Nadz™ Chantelle <3 says:
*things aren't the same anymore.
*right?
*haha.

A says:
*And why aren't they the same anymore?

Nadz™ Chantelle <3 says:
*i dont know. i just felt we drifted apart. i mean, we used to be close friends.

A says:
*and what happened?

Nadz™ Chantelle <3 says:
*no idea.
*u think?

A says:
*are you sure

Nadz™ Chantelle <3 says:
*uhhuhh.

A says:
*I'd be honest right now.
*Cause what are if we're not honest to each other.
*Well you got together with Joel so quick and that's that.
*I mean if you were happy and all I wouldn't have interfered

Nadz™ Chantelle <3 says:
*so it's coz of joel the we drifted apart?

A says:
*Truthfully, yes.

Nadz™ Chantelle <3 says:
*wow. but i didnt expect it to have such a huge impact on us.
*i mean, honestly, i'm pretty confused bout us.

A says:
*Uh huh

Nadz™ Chantelle <3 says:
*right.

A says:
*Hmmm.
*Well, but I'm sure you still love Joel no?

Nadz™ Chantelle <3 says:
*honestly, i do. and i'm not sure i'd move on to other boys soon. i mean, i'm just tired. honestly, i can't be bothered with r/s.
*i just wanna be frnds with everyone. and lOve all my frnds.
*not settle down yet.

A says:
*Well that's good then.

Nadz™ Chantelle <3 says:
*yup.
*anyway, i hope we dont drift apart again.

A says:
*Yeah well, I don't think we ever really drifted apart as friends.. IDK.

Nadz™ Chantelle <3 says:
*i mean, you never had anything on with me.
*so, thr shouldnt be a prob.
*plus, you're a Chinese. I mean, it defeats the purpose if I'm with you right?

A says:
*Hmmm.

Lepak with the Gang

And I've got tan lines! Gotta love them.